About advice

Converge – do not converge, get divorced – do not get divorced, buy – do not buy … and in general, to live or is it enough? If you don’t know what to do, ask for advice, people won’t give bad advice. You consult – and … wanted the best, but it turned out as always. So why did you go? Indeed, what do we go for and what do we expect from the council?

You need advice when in doubt. Doubts – several opinions between which you yourself cannot choose. Cut a white rooster or a black one? And to tell yourself that you don’t want to cut any of them, for some reason, doesn’t work. It would have turned out – I would have found a solution myself, I would have done without advice.

One of the paradoxes is that you are not looking for any, albeit smart, rewise, advice, but for support in the opinion that already exists, but you do not dare to declare yourself and pour into action. We know what we want, but somehow we don’t let ourselves know what we know. Advice “by” is not accepted, giving it looks like bad advisers. You go looking for others – good ones who will “understand” you, will fall into resonance with what you know without knowing.

The pitfall is the deceptive ease of transferring the arrows of responsibility to an adviser who is not really responsible for the results. The point is not only in what is advised, but also in how you follow the advice. “Order!” But if, instead of hammering on the hat with one blow of the nail of the order in the head, you state its content in a low voice in a dozen phrases, the order does not work. In the same way that a marching approach to an “object” advised to gently embrace will not lead to success.

In other words, we are looking for advice “according to ourselves”, and not “according to the mind.” One receives advice to certainly conclude a marriage contract – and does not conclude it, the other is advised: “In no case!”, And you look – and the contract is signed. Behind such discrepancies is usually an epiphany of what you really want. So, maybe ask yourself this question right away and try to specifically answer it, and not soar in the clouds of beautiful, but vague words?

And may we avoid the fate of meeting with volunteer advisers who do not wait to be asked for advice, and actively come to the rescue. They know everything without necessarily knowing anything. “I’m sad,” you say, and in response you will listen from “Keep yourself in hand” (who would tell me how to do it and where to hold it) to God knows what. They know better than anyone how to properly wash dishes, and, as historians, they can advise an experienced engineer how to deal with plus and minus. They may be glad to help, but self-affirmation, pleasure from the role of a strong, teacher, parent will stick out of their help.

Even counseling psychologists find it difficult to free themselves from the influence of their own life experiences on recommendations. “Ordinary” people – even more so. When a “flying” girl is afraid to talk about it at home and opens up to the teacher, what will she hear? I remember my patients… The childless teacher, dreaming of children, advised me to keep the pregnancy without fail, because children are such happiness. The other, exhausted by a couple of restless kids, said no way. The third, who turned out to be teachers without a shadow of a vocation for this, cheerfully continued commonplace phrases, without delving into the girl’s situation. Fourth … fifth … Behind the advice to marry or divorce may be a not very conscious desire to convince oneself of the correctness of one’s own position or the unconscious “let him suffer too.” The mind and a good attitude towards you are far from always able to control such things if the subject of your doubts is associated with something of your own, and especially with a significant, hurting one.

And here it is – good advice from the right person. And strength – over the edge. But between “getting advice” and “taking it” there is a certain gap for decision making. The council allowed me to do it, but whether to do it is up to me to decide. And I am responsible for what I am going to do. This somehow changes me and makes me question whether to follow the advice. The answer to it ends the process of “consulting”, because I did not go to get advice, namely, to consult – to advise myself with the help of another.