A woman should inspire a man to earn money?

Surely you have heard that a woman should inspire a man to earn money. Still — it seems that it is broadcast from every iron.

Sometimes they say so, they say, if a man earns little, it is because of his woman, she is such a scoundrel.

Not! It’s not about the woman!

This whole thesis is madness, harmful madness. With this article I want to show the depth of this madness.

Why a man does not earn

Both men and women do not earn only for two reasons — they do not know how or do not want to.

Does not know how to find clients, negotiate, perform their duties properly, work in more difficult areas, master new types of equipment, move to where they pay more, etc.

He does not want to find clients, negotiate, perform his duties properly, work in more difficult areas, master new types of equipment, move to where they pay more, etc.

That is all the reasons.

Of course, you can also say that a person cannot. But if you look closely, then any “can’t” eventually turns into “can’t” or “doesn’t want to”. Let’s say that the country is in a difficult economic situation. You can, for example, sell drugs and eat well, but a person does not do this. Can not? Of course not. Doesn’t want to (and this is welcome).

So a man (like any other person) does not earn only for two reasons — he does not know how or does not want to.

Now, knowing this, let’s see how the thesis «a woman inspires a man to earn money» will stand up to reality.

Inspiration is useless

Not everyone knows, but inspiration works very badly. The Yerkes-Dodson Law says clearly — for complex activities, high motivation is harmful. The more complex the activity, the lower the optimal motivation (for more details –> video).

Making money is a very difficult activity, it does not need motivation, inspiration or fire in the eyes. This requires skill and discipline. And some luck.

A woman can inspire to earn as much as she likes, but if a man does not know how to work, then inspiration only worsens the situation — a man tries, he naturally fails (because he doesn’t know how!), He drops his hands.

So you can’t inspire action if the person doesn’t know how to do it.

You can, of course, encourage a person to learn, but, firstly, learning does not mean making money. And secondly, study is also a complex activity, and the Yerkes-Dodson law is fully applicable to it.

So no, if a man does not know how, a woman cannot inspire him.

Situation matters the most

Social psychologists study the influence of people on each other a lot and carefully. And the main conclusion will be, perhaps, this — the situation affects the most (I recommend the excellent book «Man and the Situation»). That is, the influence on another person is, first of all, a change in the situation in which he is.

And here we are again the same — a woman is powerless to inspire a man to work if he does not want to. Persuasion, appeals, podnadki and the like will not work. After all, the situation is not changing.

Another thing is when the situation changes — for example, a child is born. I have repeatedly encountered situations where the birth of a child led to a significant increase in the salary of a man.

Why is that? Because a child is an expense. You need money for expenses. So men began to work more and earn more. One acquaintance of the head of the sales department said so: “I am very happy when my guys get married — it means that there will be either a mortgage or a child, but rather all together. Then they finally start working the way I want them to.”

The situation encourages the man to work harder, but we’re not saying that it was the child that inspired the man, right?

The point is not in inspiration, but in the fact that a man who already knows how to earn money, we look at the child and understand that we need to earn more. Understands — and begins to earn more.

True, alas, many look and do not understand. And they don’t earn.

Nutritious and safe environment

Okay, someone will say, but does it follow from all this that a woman does not influence a man at all in terms of earnings? Will he want to earn money for the one who eats him up and harasses him in every possible way?

You are approaching the problem from the wrong side — that’s how I will answer.

Of course, a safe and nurturing environment is very important in a relationship. I have written about this many times and intend to write more. A safe and nutritious environment is very pleasant, no one argues.

However, such an environment is not the work of one woman. Both spouses create a safe and nutritious environment. I emphasize both. To talk about one woman as responsible for the psychological state of the family is simply naive (for details, see the note “A woman is responsible for the harmony in the family? Are you serious?”).

Both are inspiring as a couple. Admiration for others is a necessary condition for a relationship, I wrote about it a lot and in detail. And that’s why you can’t focus on just one. The task of both spouses — if they, of course, want a happy marriage — is to constantly admire, inspire, hug, support, listen, help, and so on and so forth.

Note — both, not just women.

Learned helplessness

Well, they will object to me, but what, a woman can’t discourage a man’s desire to earn money?

Here I agree — theoretically, of course, it can. In theory.

If you constantly reproach, scold, make claims, humiliate and stuff like that, you can form learned helplessness in a person (a special passive state of the body, discovered in 1967 by Martin Seligman).

But in the same way, exactly the same learned helplessness can be formed by a man in his wife.

And all this will lie in the plane of the destruction of a safe and nutritious environment, which I wrote about above, and not in the plane of making money.

And the creation of a safe and nutritious environment, let me remind you, is a matter of two, and not just one woman.

What is the harm?

Now let’s figure out why the thesis «a woman inspires a man to earn money» is harmful.

At first, it is harmful by shifting responsibility. The woman is completely responsible, and the man is completely irresponsible.

As a result, the woman gets involved in a hopeless business and feels helpless and guilty, and the man turns out to be all in white and can also reproach the woman, they say, look how badly you are trying, it’s all because of you.

Secondly, this thesis points in the wrong direction for change. Money comes not from inspiration, but from work. To earn more, you need to think and do (and even luck does not hurt).

But a man, blinded by the thesis about his wife and inspiration, instead of thinking and doing, waits for a woman to inspire him. According to his mind, he should look around and figure out where and who earns more, and then think about how he can get there. For example, he works as a programmer and sees that those who have mastered such and such a programming language earn more than him. Conclusion? Go, learn, improve your skills. Is there inspiration here? Here you have to think and do.

Thirdly, this thesis displays a man as a weak-willed animal, which in itself is worth nothing (it really smacks of sexism from all this). Meanwhile, a man, oddly enough, is quite a vigorous subject, who can actively move and achieve by himself.

Yes, often, men need less than women (my good friend once said that, they say, I can live on $ 200, I don’t need more, but I want my woman to be able to afford not to work). But — pay attention — he spoke precisely about the desire to earn money for a woman. Not about inspiration, but about desire. That is, he wants to earn for her. This is his desire, not her merit. Man is not cattle.

Well, besides, not all men need less than a woman. There are men who need much more money than the average woman (and this is completely normal).

So the thesis is harmful, very harmful.

How can that be?

Women should not succumb to these provocations and not take on extra responsibility.

Men should resist the temptation to shift all responsibility onto a woman and still take care of their lives on their own.

Together, it is worth creating a safe and nutritious environment so that both are comfortable in marriage.

Total The thesis “a woman inspires a man to make money” is harmful and frankly insane. Following this thesis is pretty harmful for both women and men. Yes, it’s important to create a safe and nurturing environment in a relationship, but money comes from hard work and passion, not inspiration.

Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov

Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.