Despite the abundance of information, we still have a lot of prejudices that can complicate intimate life. Sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc analyzes one of these conventional wisdom every month.
“The answer is most often to be found in personal history: in a woman’s idea of her femininity, in the importance she attaches to her gender, in her ability to trust herself. Pleasure is not only the result of skillful stimulation of the corresponding zones. For example, if a stranger starts caressing your hand, this can cause a feeling of rejection, hostility, and if a loved one can lead to ecstasy. But the action is the same, the brain transmits the same signal, only the emotional experience changes.
What does the woman say in her complaints? About a difficult childhood experience, memories of which inevitably come to life when an inept man is next to her? About your desire to complete the image of femininity, which was not fully developed at the time of growing up? Be that as it may, the competence of her lover has nothing to do with it. Fear of frigidity can induce a woman to turn the arrows on her partner — it is as if she relieves herself of all responsibility and slightly corrects her image.
Of course, it happens (often caused by excitement) that a man acts rudely, focusing on what he himself expects from sex, on the functioning of his body, while his partner has other desires and a different body. And if he follows the instructions gleaned from the field of pornography, then the woman will close like an oyster, for fear that she will simply be used or mistaken for someone else.
However, by shifting to a man the task of arousing desire in her and bringing her to ecstasy, she loses power over her own sexuality. To enjoy sex, she needs to be in harmony with herself — then she will have the courage to explore the possibilities of her body. And she will change her position, offering the partner to also change hers … «