The desire of one of the partners to spend their holidays separately can cause resentment and misunderstanding in the other. But such an experience can be useful to freshen up relationships, says British Psychologies expert Sylvia Tenenbaum.
Linda always looks forward to her week of vacation. Eight days alone, without children, without the husband with whom she has been sharing her life for thirty years. In the plans: massage, trip to the museum, walks in the mountains. “What makes you happy,” she says.
Following Linda’s example, many couples decide to spend their holidays separately from each other. A few days, a week, maybe more. This is a chance to take time out and be alone with yourself.
Break out of the routine
“It’s so good to be among men, out of life together,” explains 30-year-old Sebastian. As soon as the opportunity presents itself, he leaves for a week in the company of friends. He and his wife Florence have been together for two years, but her surroundings and habits seem too calm and moderate to him.
Breaking away from the usual routine, the couple seems to return to the initial stage of the relationship: phone calls, letters
We each have our own tastes. They do not have to be shared between partners. That’s the beauty of segregation. But it also has a deeper value, says psychotherapist Sylvia Tenenbaum: “When we live together, we begin to forget ourselves. We learn to divide everything by two. But the other cannot give us everything we want. Some desires remain unsatisfied.» Breaking away from the usual routine, the couple seems to return to the initial stage of the relationship: phone calls, letters, even handwritten ones — why not? When a partner is not around, it makes us feel moments of intimacy more acutely.
Recover
At 40, Jeanne loves to travel alone. She has been married for 15 years, and in half the time she went on vacation alone. “When I am with my husband, I feel a deep connection with him. But when I go on vacation, I have to break away from my homeland, work, and even from him. I need to rest and recover.» Her husband finds it hard to accept. «It was years before he could figure out that I wasn’t trying to run away.»
Usually holidays and vacations are the time that we devote to each other. But Sylvia Tenenbaum believes that it is necessary to part from time to time: “It’s a breath of fresh air. Not necessarily the reason that the atmosphere in a couple has become suffocating. It just allows you to relax and spend time alone with yourself. In the end, we find ourselves to learn to appreciate life together more.”
Find your voice again
For some couples, this option is unacceptable. What if he (she) finds someone better, they think. What is a lack of trust? “It’s sad,” says Sylvia Tenenbaum. “In a couple, it is important for everyone to love themselves, to know themselves and to be able to exist differently, except through intimacy with a partner.”
Separate vacation — an opportunity to rediscover yourself
This opinion is shared by 23-year-old Sarah. She has been in a relationship for six years. This summer, she is leaving with a friend for two weeks, while her lover goes on a trip to Europe with friends. “When I go somewhere without my man, I feel more independentSara admits. — I rely only on myself and keep an account only to myself. I become more proactive.»
A separate vacation is an opportunity to distance yourself a little from each other, literally and figuratively. An opportunity to find ourselves again, a reminder that we do not need another person to realize our wholeness. “We don’t love because we need,” concludes Sylvia Tenenbaum. We need because we love.