Inspired by the success of the first poster, I decided to structure another area of our life with the children — household chores.
At first glance, the system may seem complicated, but it has an internal logic and is easy to understand. I will tell you in order about the key points of my idea.
1. Cases are simple, understandable, specific.
For simplicity, I did the same number of cases, 5, in the morning and in the evening, for each child. I had to sacrifice something, to transfer something. For example, Andrey is responsible for the order in the nursery and in the bathroom, while I often verbally remind that Sasha is definitely involved in this, this is his business too.
2. The focus is on the positive from the mother for doing the job.
On the first poster, the central place is occupied by the image of hugging bears. Love, approval, support — this is important, this is in the first place.
To be honest, it was necessary not only for the children, it was necessary for me as well. In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, we, mothers, care first of all about order and comfort, and often forget about showing love for children. Reminder is always welcome.
In addition, on a separate poster, I wrote down the role of mother in the whole process.
This caused a storm of positive emotions in Sasha, because. now he received instructions on how to get hugs and kisses from his mother. (I wondered – did I really rarely show tenderness to a child before that he literally “starved” for hugs? Not so rarely, but apparently not enough).
3. There are sanctions, and they are specific.
I chose sanctions in terms of usefulness for the body and speed of execution. There is usually not enough time in the morning, so squats are faster. In the evening, you can also devote 2-4-6 minutes to exercise. We used to only do squats for various misdeeds, and it has become too easy for them.
I want to say that we rarely do squats in the morning — all things are usually done. And the “Stool” exercise (freeze in a semi-squat: as if you are sitting on a chair, but without a chair) happens a couple of times a week. At first, the «chairs» were crooked and groaning. Now the children have already become accustomed and stand with a “high chair” evenly and beautifully, one feast for the eyes.
Sasha does not miss the opportunity to bargain in small things: — Mom, if I stand very beautifully as a “high chair”, will you allow me to stand 2 seconds less?
By the way, sanctions do not eliminate the need to finish the unfinished business.
4. The elders watch over the younger ones and are responsible for the affairs of the younger ones.
I saw the most noticeable effect of this rule in the change in the relationship between Sasha and Yulia. If earlier it was mostly quarrels and name-calling, now Sasha has changed. He felt like a senior, responsible, and now he uses all his eloquence to take Yulia to brush her teeth. On the other hand, Julia began to bully Sasha less, began to treat him warmer and obey him more often.
A side, but very pleasant effect of this rule is that mom has less worries, at least half.
5. The children themselves report on the work done, and not their mother asks them.
This rule, probably obvious to experienced educators, I realized only now. In the past, it was difficult for me to maintain a regular review of cases myself, because. I “actively worked”: first I looked at the case on the list, then I went to check how it was done, then I looked at the next case, and so on. Children at this point could continue to play and indulge.
Now they themselves come running and boast, “I brushed my teeth!”, “I made the bed!”. If they didn’t come running, then I can ask, “Tell me what you did.” The answer «All done» is not accepted, please tell me everything in detail.
Now the check takes less than a minute, and the children themselves do it.
6. The agreement is established for 2 months, then revised.
First of all, I needed the idea to limit the validity period in order to fix: this process will have a result, it has a specific deadline when the results will be summed up. At the end of this period, we will take on new cases that are more relevant at that time. The update will help us all keep our interest in the process and see our own development.
7. As a bonus — a prize on the horizon, which decreases if things are not done.
When I was thinking about how to present the new system to children, I decided to start with something pleasant. Usually, by the end of the school year, we buy some gifts for children (the process is painful for me, because I don’t want to buy a gift for a child who behaves badly). This year, I offered the children to buy themselves a gift in the amount of 1000 USD, which I will give them after graduation. The proposal was received with enthusiasm.
After that, I said that, of course, gifts are received by children who quickly, easily, efficiently and independently do their household chores. And in order for us to make sure that you are just such children, we will mark your deeds in a specially purchased notebook. The deed is not done — minus 3 c.u. Therefore, if someone is too lazy, then by the end of May he will not have 1000 USD, but less.
Sasha was completely delighted with the system. He declared that he would not miss a single task and immediately turned on the electric broom mode, having done everything that could be done in 10 minutes. (I noted for myself that the child is confident in his abilities, energetic, ready to work to achieve the goal. At the same time, there is short-sightedness — it is unlikely for him to do everything to the maximum every day).
Andrei’s reaction was sharply negative. Seeing the items about the lessons and about the mood in the list, he considered that it was unrealistic to do the maximum every day, he would not receive a whole 1000, which means that it was pointless to participate in this undertaking. (He has the opposite: a realistic view of the situation and an underestimation of his abilities).
After a while, he calmed down by finding some change in his pocket, and realized that he could make up for some of the missed cases. (In fact, I gave myself the right to make a mistake). After that, things went smoothly.
By the way, the children bargained for another bonus — if a child does some super-useful work for the family, then he gets +1 c.u. to the prize.
Over time, everything fell into place. Things began to be done much faster and better. The prize is slowly fading, but they seem to get their 900 USD.
This concludes the story about establishing a format with children. Perhaps my experience will be interesting and useful to someone. And if one of the readers undertakes to implement something similar in his family, then I invite you to share the results and discuss this topic together. I will be glad to be your interlocutor!
See the first part of the article here: «Conversations or 7 advantages of a small poster»
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.