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Hello! Today we will talk about how to start life from scratch. It doesn’t matter what reasons made you want to not just make some changes, but directly end the past by turning the page and starting to live in a completely different way.
A step-by-step plan is suitable for any situation, but requires awareness and honesty with yourself. So, are you ready?
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Mindfulness
First, think about the motive behind the decision. So what exactly drives you? Do you want to run away from something, or vice versa, «run» to something?
The fact is that if you are once again disappointed in relations with the opposite sex, then moving to another country will not help. Until you change internally, external changes will not come.
But if the relationship with your loved one ended, but you understand that they were toxic, destructive and now you want to learn how to live, breathing deeply, paying attention to yourself and loved ones — your motivation has the right to success.
Make sure you really want it
Just before you start actively planning a new life, give yourself the opportunity to make sure that you really want it.
I mean, sometimes a person makes such a decision under the influence of emotions. When he suddenly finds out about a betrayal, loses a partner, job, place of residence, friends, gets disappointed in something, gets angry and wants revenge, learns about health problems, and so on.
When you realize that life is difficult for you like this and you want to do it differently, give yourself time, about a month. And only after its expiration begin to act. Emotions will subside, and you will have the opportunity to think things over and prepare.
Change of world view
As already mentioned, it is important to start change with yourself. Values are the foundation of your personality. These are the beliefs that guide you when making decisions, these are ideas, thoughts that arise as knowledge about the world around you.
Therefore, it is necessary to review them in order to find out which ones are no longer needed, and which, instead of helping, interfere. Check out this article, in it you will find examples of the most important values for each person.
Drawing the future
Try to describe in detail what exactly awaits you in the future. Or rather, how you imagine it. You can use the wish card, you can just write the answers in a notebook.
As you wish, the main thing is to transform fantasies into a plan, a very real goal. Because a person tends to idealize some moments, which is why he is later disappointed or realizes that he has miscalculated his strength and so on.
The same exercise allows you to rationally assess the upcoming changes, discover the likely difficulties and nuances that have been overlooked.
So, answer the following questions in as much detail as possible:
- What kind of people will surround me? Who will remain from the former friends, and with whom will I stop communicating?
- Where exactly will I live? If in the old house, will I change the situation? When you move, what is the first thing you need to take care of? How to look for new housing, for what money, where to get them monthly, and so on.
- What will I be doing? In terms of work, hobby.
- Which of my character strengths will be useful for the implementation of plans?
- Which ones need more attention?
- What do I want to get as a result of all the changes?
- What exactly am I missing to get started?
- How much time will it take to implement the plan?
This is an indicative list of questions, you can add those that are relevant directly to you.
Start making changes on the outside
It doesn’t matter how old you are and for what reasons you decided to radically change. It is never too late, neither at 40 nor at 70. This is your life and you have the right to dispose of it as you wish. But it should be noted that the changes will affect absolutely all spheres of life. In a new way, so in a new way.
So, in addition to moving or changing jobs, try to reconsider your attitude towards the bad habits that you have.
Go in for sports. In addition to feeling good and toned forms, you will produce more energy. And she will be useful to you more than ever. In general, check out the article about a healthy lifestyle that you can start to lead in your 30s and much later.
You can even try to change the image. New clothes will not only inspire you to start a new life, but will also have a positive effect on your self-esteem.
Pay attention to financial matters
You need to determine how much you need to realize your plans and compare with your income. Because there is no point in dreaming about life in the Bahamas if there is not enough money even for a dorm room in a provincial Russian town. It’s exaggerated, but still.
Allocate finances to new needs, remembering to leave a reserve for unforeseen circumstances. If necessary, look for ways to additional, preferably passive income. If you do not know how to organize it, use the recommendations listed here.
Reach out to people you trust
Perhaps a high school friend once thought about how to find her way, or a distant relative moved to another country in search of something better.
In general, refer to those who have been in a similar situation. Let them share with you their experiences, how they started, what difficulties they faced and what they could warn you about.
If there are no such people in a close environment, it’s okay. Search the forums for information that interests you. Sometimes complete strangers can be more helpful. And the plus is that you will have new connections that may well come in handy in the future.
Take care of safety
When changing your life dramatically, make sure that you can return at least part of it back, in case something turns out to be not as you imagined. For example, having decided to leave for the village, you should not immediately sell your home or quit your job. As they say, burn bridges. Take a vacation, rent out an apartment, and use this money to rent a roof over your head in the village. By the way, downshifters do exactly that.
Because in dreams and ideas there can be one picture, but in reality there is another. Yes, and after living for some time in the countryside, you suddenly want to go back to the city, you will understand that enough is enough and this is not yours. What will you do? We’ll have to start again from scratch, only more difficult.
Allow yourself to feel different emotions
You don’t have to keep or accumulate them. Having made a decision to change your life and having successfully implemented it, at some point you will inevitably feel nostalgia, sadness. Sometimes, it may even doubt whether they did the right thing.
Don’t discount
Try not to discount what is happening in your past. It is part of you and you wouldn’t be where you are now if it weren’t for it. And you wouldn’t be able to do what you know now.
I am not saying to remember every day the bad things that you decided to run away from. No, try to find the inner strength to let it go instead of ignoring it and trying to avoid the memories. No matter how you push them deeper, they will still be with you and will make themselves felt subconsciously, in dreams, illnesses, fears …
Therefore, you will have to face pain, anger, fear and other unpleasant feelings face to face in order to let them go forever regarding some situation that has happened.
Such work will require a lot of strength, enlist the support of loved ones if necessary, or sign up for a consultation with a specialist.
Keep a diary
Write down everything that comes to your mind. Describe what you need. So you will not only be able to structure your plans and goals, but you will also relieve unnecessary tension, express those emotions that you could not show next to other people. Or simply because they were not previously realized and not noticed.
Keeping track of your progress can help you keep track of your progress, which will give you the energy to move forward.
Strength and inspiration to you, dear readers!
The material was prepared by a psychologist, Gestalt therapist, Zhuravina Alina