Surely you have heard many stories about how doctors treat patients differently. It’s time for the other party’s account. However, if you do not want to know the most absurd reasons for medical visits, then do not read this text.
– Doctor, please prescribe pinworm pills for my wife.
– Does your wife’s anus itch, especially at night? Or has other problems related to this area of the body?
– Not.
– So how do you know it’s pinworms?
– Because my wife grinds her teeth mercilessly.
This is not a made-up joke. Doctor Maciej Kokoszka, who specializes in general surgery, collects all the weirdest (and funniest) stories that happened to him and his fellow doctors. He writes them down in a special notebook, so friends joke that the doctor keeps a diary. And he himself does not hide that he intends to publish these stories in the future. They can be so abstract that it is hardly possible to invent them.
SMS at midnight
Most incredible cases happen at night, usually during on-call times. No one can explain exactly why. A family doctor from AZ, who wants to remain anonymous (works in a small town in eastern Poland, in the only clinic), recalls text messages from one of the patients. – Several times a month, always after midnight. For example, with the following content: Doctor, I have a cold and a temperature of 37 degrees Celsius, what should I do? Or: What time do you see tomorrow? Do you bring your ID for registration? At first I wrote back, but then the nightly news intensified. They concerned extremely frivolous problems or inquiries. Anyway, this man rarely came for examinations after that. In the end, I had to have a serious conversation with him and make a clear line. I guess he felt offended because he stopped writing messages and now doesn’t show up at the clinic at all. My theory is that he was bored or lonely, which is why he wrote at night.
Zuzanna Janczak, a young doctor preparing to specialize, sings after hours in the most famous Polish choir Sound’n’Grace. Friends in the band, including the conductor, write and call her with various medical inquiries. – One of my colleagues called me once about testicular inflammation, so they report the most intimate problems. And my friend had a minor problem with her eyes (found she produces few tears), but before she went to the ophthalmologist, she asked me to test because she had read a lot of news on the internet and was convinced she had multiple sclerosis.
A patient with a diseased prostate
– There were no absurd questions – Zuzanna Janczak reserves with a smile. – I dealt with these during medical practice and training. One time, a gentleman came to the ER who said he had had headaches for three months. Right here and now, in the middle of the night, he would like to explain their cause. And we had only serious parties: cracked appendages, broken legs, etc. – he says. However, it was at the clinic that the patient appeared, who pierced all the others: “I have a sick prostate,” she announced. She told about the supplements she was taking (intended strictly for problems with this gland, which occurs only in men). We explained that you did not have a prostate. She was surprised very much, but I think she believed us. Another patient came once, with hypertension, who without embarrassment announced that she believed in superstition and magic. She used a pendulum to decide what medications she should take. The doctors’ opinion was of secondary importance.
Doctor Dawid Foryś will never forget a certain night shift from the beginning of his work in this profession. – At five in the morning a couple of young people showed up at the hospital. The eighteen-year-old girl was crying because she had a broken fingernail, the so-called tips. Her boyfriend, about nineteen years old, made a fuss. I said there was nothing we could do in this case, and you should go to the beautician in the morning.
It also happened that at midnight a very elegant, well-groomed old lady in her seventies came to the emergency department. – She looked as if she was dying – says Dawid Foryś. – She explained that she had a neighbor for coffee this morning, and she told her she looked haggard. The whole day flew by quickly, the words of the neighbor remembered the patient late at night. Nothing hurt her, she had no symptoms, but she preferred to check it out. The hands drop, the doctor smiles.
Doctor Google
It happens more and more often, as confirmed by doctors of many specializations, that patients come to medical examinations with a pack of printed sheets. They diagnose their own condition themselves, convincing doctors that Dr. Google is right.
– When a patient enters the office with a ready diagnosis and a method of treatment developed by himself, usually based on the Internet, I ask what I can do because I feel redundant – Dawid Foryś sourly smiles. He once had a patient who fell ill with an acute viral infection of the upper respiratory tract. She herself, without consultation, bought a ton of medications from which she got allergies. When she came to him, she was convinced he had diphtheria (an infectious disease). – In the summer season, a hit among patients are tick bites and suspected Lyme disease, despite the lack of any symptoms – adds the doctor.
Too much sleep
Original cases also apply to the youngest patients. Anna, a pediatrician from a large children’s hospital in Warsaw, recalls a phone call from a nervous dad: – Doctor, my wife and I are terrified because our son is still sleeping and sleeping. How old is the child? Is there anything else wrong with him, what are his symptoms? My son was born four days ago, yesterday we came back from the delivery room. There are no symptoms other than this one. He’s been asleep for eight hours! Is it normal? You will still remember fondly those moments when my son fell asleep so beautifully! Please rest, it may end soon – the pediatrician advised with a smile.
Another story with a little older patient is told by Dawid Foryś. – The whole family came: mum, dad and grandmother with a two-month-old baby in their arms. I remember it was a cold winter, minus ten degrees outside. The child was dressed in several layers of clothes, additionally wrapped in blankets and a quilt. It looked like one big cocoon, hot and sweaty. A frightened family asked for the toddler to be examined, claiming he had a fever. I did a quick interview about how the baby is dressed at home. It turned out the same as now. It wasn’t a fever, it was overheating!
SORry
We read about such stories with amusement, but there is also the sad observation that patients who come with the most trivial reasons spend precious time for doctors and nurses, which can be spent on treating the seriously ill.
– From year to year, I notice more and more cases in which someone bothers us without good reason on duty – says Dawid Foryś. – Especially since the management’s notice is hanging on the door that, due to the findings of the patient ombudsman, each report must be accepted and documented by a doctor. We could handle many of these reports calmly, during the day, in the clinic, not in the lifesaving department!
Foryś points out that the so-called SORs, or Hospital Emergency Departments, provide first aid, especially in urgent and emergency cases. – But currently in SORs, due to inadequate health care organization system, over 50 percent. admissions are cases that should be treated in clinics by a family doctor! – he adds. – Patients are often furious that they wait several hours for admission. Everyone wants to be taken care of as soon as possible. Unfortunately, it will probably be many years before Poles get used to European rescue standards and accept them in their native reality.