“At the age of forty, life is just beginning, I now know for sure,” said the heroine of the film “Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears.” A lot has already been written about the age and existential crises. But at this time, new perspectives open up before a person. Business psychologist Alevtina Kaipova talks about how to fulfill your dream and do what you love.
A client came to me with a request that she did not have enough strength to go to work that brings money. With a deeper study, it turned out that at this stage she is trying to fulfill her old dream and get a different profession. It is because of this situation that she has to be torn between two fires. This problem causes maximum consumption of the resource and a decrease in the overall energy level.
Who are the modern forties?
I noted that modern forty-year-olds do not look their forties. They are athletic, some of them are more well-groomed, some less. Some lead a healthier lifestyle, some less.
But at the same time, globally modern forty-year-olds are people full of strength, energy, ambitions, deep personalities with a high level of understanding of what is good and what is bad. They have the “right” core values.
In our time, they are talking about the prerequisites for a change in activities related to digitalization, with changes in society’s expectations from people. And, in my opinion, forty-year-olds are the foundation on which our country will rely for a long time to come, because this is the generation that carries our former DNA, which we are now trying with all our might to preserve in the young.
When the forty-year-olds chose their path, there was a period of crisis. Therefore, the decisions of many were based on factors more pragmatic than those that are usually taken into account now — «listen to your heart, try to understand what is closer to you.»
Based on the basic values of the time in which they were formed, today forty-year-olds are trying to reconsider their lives and try to realize dreams that, for one reason or another, were not realized in their youth.
How do you make the decision to realize your dream? This is also a separate topic, because modern forty-year-olds most often come to this through a personal, and rather complex, transformation. They are looking for the meaning of life, they try to process their crisis situations with psychologists and, changing their profession, they first change themselves.
How to go to your dream?
If you are 40 years old and you do not feel the pleasure of life, then I would advise the following:
1.Try to go through a personal transformation. It is long and painful. And it is connected with really deep work with a psychologist, psychoanalyst or psychoanalytically oriented coach.
But it’s not just one or two sessions where you’re told, “You can. Tell yourself three times “you can” and go!” This is not a motivational story. Deep processing means looking for that self that has long been hidden in the depths of the unconscious and is trying to break out when we are 40 years old, or if we have serious problems and are unhappy with our lives.
So, the first thing to start with is to work on yourself.
2.Understand what reality surrounds you at this moment. Different formats of actions are possible: there are people who, after personal transformation, immediately begin to cut down everything in the bud and burn bridges.
There are those who do not dare to take this step and hinder the realization of their dreams, but in the end they never come to this. This, of course, does not make them happier. However, it’s safer this way.
Do not burn bridges, do not chop from the shoulder. If you are going through a personal transformation, let your new self mature and let your dream come true in a safe space. And this means that you retain belonging to the society that surrounds you now. You keep your current contacts, but you start to move towards the goal, towards your new identity.
3. Make a plan. Understand for yourself exactly when this new story should come true. Make a plan, try to determine what percentage of your time should be spent on certain tasks and affairs, in particular, on making money and so on.
If you have something that you do for the soul, understand how much you can give to this particular activity. And try to find a balance by distributing 100% of your time in such a way that each activity takes place in your life, helps create a safe environment and at the same time makes it possible to realize old dreams and aspirations.
4. Don’t lose yourself moving towards new goals. By the age of forty, you have already achieved something. Your achievements should not be completely discounted and forgotten while moving towards your dream. They must be properly disposed of.
Here it is also important to understand which of these achievements can be used to move towards a dream, and which are impossible, but, for example, they are also important and necessary for you. Use your achievements and your present to create the future. And then the changes will occur for you more harmoniously.
5. Learn to talk about yourself. Not all new paths are possible without this skill. Modern forty-year-olds have always been told that talking about yourself is bragging, it’s shameful and selfish. Also, we were always told that we did not deserve to talk about ourselves, because there are people who are more worthy.
I will not argue about who is worthy of what, I will only say this: in order to start speaking, you need to understand who you are, what you are, what you are. And broadcast this information in such a way that what you say about yourself reflects reality.
Let’s go back to the first point about personal transformation — when you understand who you are, be sure to learn to talk about it, talk about yourself. Unfortunately, the modern world is arranged in such a way that if you do not talk about yourself, then no one may know about you.
The main thing is not to change your values, do not exchange for something that is not close to you
Speech was once given to man so that he could speak. No one can guess, think of, feel something if you yourself do not say as specifically as possible about yourself and what you want. Remember that self-esteem and belief in yourself is an important part of changing your life at 40. Therefore, work with your self-esteem, believe that you will succeed, and do not move towards your dream alone.
On the way, you will definitely need fellow travelers who will support you when it’s hard and give up, who will cheer you up and praise you when there is a need, who will critically give you feedback so that you can improve in your business. The main thing is to start moving, moving according to the plan, and you will succeed!
And if at some point it seems that something is going wrong, you can stop and assess the situation. At 40, life is really just beginning, especially now, in a time of opportunity, in a time of such affordable learning.
The main thing is not to change your values, do not exchange for something that is not close to you, but seems very modern and in demand. Find yourself and make it your profession. This is not an easy path, but the result will be worth all the effort.