Contents
- 1. He spends a lot of time with his mother.
- 2. He uses his mother as an example
- 3. He has unhealthy beliefs about his mother.
- 4. He doesn’t have a father
- 5. His mother is also too attached to him.
- 6. His attitude towards you changes when he introduces you to his mother.
- 7. In childhood and youth, the man had no experience of independence
- 8. As a child, a man went to circles and sections, accompanied by his mother
- Relationship with the «sissy» is doomed?
A good relationship with parents is an important indicator of a partner’s maturity. However, everything is good in moderation, because building a family with a sissy is not so easy. How to understand in time that a man is too attached to his mother? A social psychologist, an expert on gender and family relations, lists 8 warning signs.
1. He spends a lot of time with his mother.
He visits her every weekend, and when you arrange to meet, he refuses — because he needs to help his mother. In other words, a man often prefers his mother over you. At the same time, he sees no options for maintaining a balance.
2. He uses his mother as an example
For example, he says: “Mom doesn’t cook like that”, “But mom was different.” Thus, his mother «settles» in your relationship, becomes an invisible witness and judge of all your actions and deeds. For him, his mother is the ideal.
Of course, there are wonderful mothers who take care of their children. But this does not mean that their behavior is the only correct one. For example, the same borscht can be cooked in a thousand different ways — and all borschts will be delicious.
Unfortunately, often mothers, through their care, form in children the wrong idea about their role in their lives. For example, when they assure them: «You will not have anyone closer than me.»
3. He has unhealthy beliefs about his mother.
For example: «The only woman in a man’s life is his mother.» Such thoughts and ideas indicate that he is not open to relationships and will not perceive you as an equal partner who plays a leading role in his own family.
4. He doesn’t have a father
This sign does not always indicate a pathological attachment to the mother. However, often the absence of a father makes a man dependent on her. Of course, at the same time, there are mothers who bring up their sons who are adequate, independent and who have passed the separation.
5. His mother is also too attached to him.
It does not happen that the son is attached to the mother, but she is not. If the addiction exists, you will see his mother very quickly — most likely, the man will not wait long before introducing you. After all, his mother’s assessment of his chosen one is important to him.
6. His attitude towards you changes when he introduces you to his mother.
If, after you met your mother, a man changed his attitude towards you, this means that your mother did not like you. And this suggests that she has a significant influence on his thoughts.
7. In childhood and youth, the man had no experience of independence
For example, he did not visit pioneer or scout camps, and in his youth he did not serve in the army. He had no experience of living long without a mother.
8. As a child, a man went to circles and sections, accompanied by his mother
When he tells you stories from childhood, you can ask him a question and clarify: “Did you go there on your own or did someone help you?” Didn’t mom arrange it? Particular attention should be paid to adolescence. If at this age the influence of the mother remained, this is an alarming signal, which means that the teenager did not have the opportunity to undergo separation and become independent.
Relationship with the «sissy» is doomed?
In my opinion, in 80% of cases — yes. This is a losing story for sure. Because the relationship between the son and mother was formed over many years, and you appeared in his life relatively recently.
At the age of 13-14, the connection with parents should gradually become thinner. At this age, a teenager learns to be independent. However, if this did not happen for some reason, then it will be extremely difficult to break the connection between a man and his mother. Therefore, if you see that a man is very dependent on his mother, you should discuss with him the concerns that you have.
This does not mean that you should claim your rights to a man in the same way as you would claim property rights, completely excluding his mother from his life. This also does not mean that you need to forbid him to see her and help … All this is normal. Just communicating with your mother should not be detrimental to your relationship.
It is important to make sure that he does not see «mommy» in you.
Accordingly, you need to define the boundaries and rules: what you are ready to go for, and what you are not. And if a man perceives them aggressively, with hostility, then, most likely, any of your persuasion and persuasion will no longer have an effect, and, having suffered for several years in the fight against your mother-in-law, you will most likely lose.
I note that in some cases a woman can still influence a man’s attitude to his mother — if she is valuable enough for him, and he himself begins to realize that his relationship with his mother is somewhat unbalanced.
But at the same time, it is important to respect his attitude towards his mother, since these feelings can be truly tender and sublime. It is also worth making sure that he does not see the «mommy» in you, which can easily happen. After all, having begun to build relationships with you, he will lose the “center” that supported him all his life earlier.