A man has premature ejaculation: is he an egoist?

“Very often, women mistakenly believe that male pleasure comes down to the moment of ejaculation. That is why they perceive premature ejaculation as selfishness on the part of a man who only cares about his own pleasure. In fact, in this situation, he is very nervous, which does not contribute to pleasure at all and deprives him of a full-fledged orgasm. If a man can slowly, gradually increase his arousal, he is more likely to reach orgasm, while experiencing a much richer range of sensations. The same can be said about a woman. In fact, a man who is characterized by premature ejaculation is afraid of not having time to please his partner. He tries to control himself, restrains himself with all his might, tensing all his muscles … and ejaculation occurs! Because, contrary to his ideas, muscular tension just provokes the movement of sperm. This is how a misunderstanding is born: a woman believes that a man does not think about her, while he is overwhelmed with fear that he will not be able to bring her to orgasm. A man may fear that penetration will hurt his partner or that she will provoke aggression in him – a consequence of his difficult relationship with his mother, repressed into the unconscious. In some cases, he continues to have an internal rivalry with his father and does not want to be like him in any way. When he sees that he is just as “equipped” as his father, he prefers to lay down his arms rather than use them. Sometimes the guilt associated with desire makes it forbidden. One way or another, premature ejaculation is the body’s response to the desire to protect itself or someone. And this is good news! If a man becomes aware of the psychological underpinnings of his physiology, the reactions of his body will begin to change, and he will feel liberated and courageous.

Catherine Blanc, author of Women’s Sexuality (La sexualite des femmes n’est pas celle des magazines, La martiniere, 2004).