A man does not give flowers. How to change it?

Many people consider courtesy an obligatory attribute of courting a woman, and it is not for nothing that the period of falling in love is called “candy-bouquet”. In the minds of most women there is a clear connection: if she loves, she will give flowers.

However, men do not always share this opinion. They may have a completely different attitude to such gifts and sincerely do not understand why a woman needs a cherished bouquet so much.

And if some men do not realize how important flowers are for their partner, then others understand this very well, but fundamentally refuse to spend money “on this nonsense.” Here’s what they have to say about it:

Oleg, 42 years old

I prefer to give flowers only for the holidays – this is a tradition, I’m used to it. When I was young, I gave flowers to my girlfriend. Let not the most chic bouquets – simple roses, daisies. She took them for granted, I did not see much enthusiasm. And in the end, she completely left me for another. From that moment on, a clear thought settled in my head: flowers in a relationship do not matter. And if they do not make sense, then what is the need for such spending?

Anton, 30 years old

I never gave my girlfriend flowers. Cut flowers are already dead – they will quickly wither, and there will be no memory left. I think it is much better to give flowers in a pot – they will please for a long time, remind of the event in honor of which they were presented.

I already presented the girl with indoor flowers, but she had no time to take care of them, and over time they withered and withered. I don’t know why she reacted to the gift in such a way – after all, these are also plants, only they are always in sight and please the eye for a long time. It seems to me that the point here is exclusively in the advertised image of the “noble knight”, who gives the lady of the heart a bouquet.

Ivan, 24 years old

I can honestly say that I simply feel sorry for the money for flowers. I can’t imagine how money that can buy a couple of packages of products can be spent on something that in a few days will have to be thrown away. I admit that there are benefits in bouquets – after all, at least the girl will be pleased. But I am convinced that it is possible to deliver positive emotions to your beloved in more rational ways. For the same money, I’d rather give her an oil painting course or a subscription to a swimming session in a cool pool.

How to ask a man for flowers?

The firm belief that “a man should give flowers, otherwise he doesn’t love me,” almost always leads to quarrels, says psychologist, female transformational coach Lilia Levitskaya.

“Surely you wanted to get positive emotions, and not face resentment, so you should take into account that all people are different. Everyone in childhood formed their own “good” and “bad”. And men’s values, just like women’s, are worthy of respect. Therefore, one should definitely act not through pressure, ”she notes.

But what should women do, for whom it is important to receive their partner’s flowers? The psychologist offers four ways in which you can change a man’s attitude to such gifts.

1. Request and gratitude

First of all, you should politely ask your partner to surprise you more often. “Darling, I am so happy when you bring me flowers. I know that it doesn’t matter to you, but I ask you to just do it for me, ”Levitskaya gives an example of an appeal. However, it must be remembered that in response you may hear a refusal.

It is important to be able to accept any answer with a positive, because a man also has the right to choose. If your partner answered yes, thank him and show him joy so that he feels the benefits of gifts – both for you and for himself. If he said “no”, leave room for future “yes” and focus on other positive qualities of your man. Perhaps he expresses love in other ways, and you do not even notice it.

2. Seduction

Candidly describe to a man how you open up, how happy you become, how sexy you feel when you are given flowers. Tell us about the influence of female happiness on relationships in a couple and the atmosphere in the house (it’s true: if one of the partners is unhappy, this will certainly affect both the first and the second). Most likely, over time, these suggestions will bear fruit.

3. Contract at the level of values

Find out what exactly is important to a man and why he does not want to give flowers. If it’s plant care, you might agree, for example, to receive a flower in a pot or a painting of flowers.

If it is important for a man to be logical and not throw money away, talk about the benefits on a rational level – in numbers and facts. For example: “When a woman receives a bouquet of flowers, the level of oxytocin and dopamine in her body increases, and this has a beneficial effect on relationships.”

Of course, these are exaggerated examples, but it is important to understand the main thing: it is better to convey information to the listener in his language, and not to fight and put pressure on.

4. Initiative

Buy yourself flowers and be glad that you have such an opportunity. If you love how beautiful your bedroom looks with a fresh bouquet, then it doesn’t really matter if your partner gave it to you or you bought it yourself.

Perhaps a man will pay attention to the fact that you are a big fan of flowers, and sooner or later he will join the process.

What about surprises, you ask? After all, if everything is discussed, romance is lost! In this case, it is important to mentally “disconnect” love from bouquets of flowers, Lilia Levitskaya is sure.

“Learn to see care and attention in those manifestations that are characteristic of your man. Notice the best, and there will be more of it, because where there is attention, there is energy, ”concludes the expert.