A loved one has bipolar disorder: what to do?

Be patient and realistic

People with bipolar personality disorder can be very different. Bold, open, witty, purposeful, generous, creative, loving — and at the same time irresponsible, unreliable, stubborn, angry, demanding, suspicious.

You will have many quarrels and disagreements, and it is very important to consider both of these sides. When there is a black streak in your relationship — remember why you love this person, when it is bright — resist the temptation to believe that he is perfect and will always be like that. Do not be categorical and always leave room for peaceful negotiations.

Believe!

For many people with bipolar disorder, simply speaking out and being heard, rather than receiving reproaches, ridicule, and instructions on how to live right, is a rare luxury. Therefore, it is very important to be able to listen and try to understand the feelings and thoughts of a loved one, without denying or appreciating them, even if you do not agree with them at all.

Help stick to the routine

The frequency and strength of seizures are highly dependent on a person’s lifestyle. By his behavior, he can provoke them, or, on the contrary, smooth them out. The friends of someone who has been diagnosed with BPD are a stable daily routine, restful sleep for seven to nine hours, moderate physical activity. That is, the daily routine, which the restless mind resists with all its might, because it is used to doing everything “in the mood”.

Establishing a stable daily routine for such a person is a huge job, and it’s easy to break loose, especially if friends invite you to a nightclub, drink, travel right now. So if you often spend time together, at least do not provoke these breakdowns. Dancing the night away, flying every week, working late shifts, constant stress and risk — this is what shatters an already unstable psyche.

As much as possible, maintain useful activity: regular runs (no, not at six in the morning and not a marathon), a book before bed instead of gadgets (they stimulate the brain, not letting it calm down), healthy food (not cream cake in the morning and pizza at night) .

Drugs and large doses of alcohol can provoke a real psychotic attack in a person predisposed to this. Even strong coffee does not work well for some. Your loved one’s triggers are worth knowing and keeping in mind. By the way, one of the most common triggers is quarrels with family, friends and colleagues. A violent conflict can trigger another round of the disease.

Don’t go to extremes

In the midst of phases that some of those suffering from bipolar disorder have every spring, and someone — once every 10 years, they lose their criticality to their behavior and do not feel the measure.

Mania

By noticing signs of mania in a loved one in time, you can protect him from rash acts. In such a state, a person can indulge in «all serious»: spending huge sums, casual relationships, drugs, fights — in mania this happens even with the most calm and homely. It is worth discussing such a risk in advance, when everything is calm, and agree on a plan of action.

Depression

Depression is even more dangerous: if it reaches the stage when nothing pleases a person, everything around him seems hopeless and meaningless, the risk of suicide is quite real. The severity of the condition is not always obvious. If your friend’s humor has suddenly turned caustic and black, that’s a wake-up call.

There are other disturbing markers, including the frequent mention of death and the meaninglessness of what is happening, talk about being superfluous, the hasty completion of important matters.

Don’t choke

The golden rule is don’t argue with a manic person and don’t demand accomplishments from a depressed person. It is important to learn to distinguish between attacks of illness from normal activity or “just a bad mood” and not sound the alarm in vain.

If you start boringly reminding about symptoms and pills every time you don’t like the behavior of your loved one (he argues, screams, is lazy, fusses), he will simply stop taking your opinion seriously.

Criticism and excessive pressure from parents or partners only worsen a person’s condition, increasing the number of relapses.

During a manic episode, arguing with a person is not only useless, but also dangerous: his reaction to pressure can be very violent. But there is a chance to direct irrepressible energy in a useful direction.

Has your partner decided to emigrate to Argentina tomorrow? Or invest all the family savings in a risky startup? Ask him to develop the project first and show you in numbers and graphs how cool it is, and he will direct his efforts to collect information.

This technique is suitable for the state in which a person is still able to hear you. If the situation is completely out of control, all that remains is to call the doctor, and in case of dangerous behavior — an attempt at suicide or a physical threat to others — call an ambulance. During depression, you should not demand much from a loved one. If he manages to take care of himself and sometimes goes out into the fresh air — this is already a reason for praise.

Don’t take it personally

Do not take personally what your loved one does and says during an attack. This is difficult, especially when completely unfounded accusations and suspicions are heard against you. In mania, a person can be critical, assertive, deceitful, aggressive, sometimes suspicious up to paranoia. Depressed — cold, distant, dull, indifferent, helpless, irritable.

Remember that his thinking is now greatly distorted, it is not his mind that speaks, but his suffering. When your loved one returns to normal, he himself will be very ashamed of hostile actions and statements. Always keep in mind that an acute condition is not forever.

Of course, a diagnosis is not the benefit of the doubt, and you are not required to tolerate and forgive any ugly behavior. If a person regularly behaves defiantly, does not try to improve and does not take steps towards recovery, then obviously the problem is in the personality, and not in the disease, or he simply does not appreciate your relationship.

Take care of yourself

The reality is that from time to time you will have to drag your relationship and joint affairs for two. This is not an easy job, and in such conditions there is a high chance of burnout. Many make this mistake: they carry the entire load without complaining, until the moment when strength and patience run out completely. And then — a nervous breakdown, a showdown with a scandal or parting.

No need to endure and accumulate irritation. Discuss emerging difficulties as they come up and try to do it calmly. Be clear about what is unacceptable for you, warn that you are ready to forgive some misconduct for the first or second time, but not the tenth. And, of course, follow your warnings.

Well-defined boundaries benefit chaotic people, which is the case for many people with bipolar disorder. Some actions cannot be forgiven in any situation: this is violence against you or other loved ones, and above all against children.

Direct aggression in bipolar disorder is rare, but it does happen. In this case, protecting yourself is more important than helping. Don’t take on more responsibilities than you can handle. Decide for yourself how much help (money, time, effort) you are ready to give to your loved one, and what is too much for you, and voice it so that he does not count on what is beyond your strength.

If you feel that you are not coping, do not be afraid to seek help from a psychologist. Or to a support group for relatives of people with mental disorders. Such groups are found at psychiatric hospitals, and they are also periodically organized by private clinics and public organizations.