A «just» world: why do we condemn the victims of violence?

“Why didn’t you tell me right away?”, “Why didn’t you go to the police?”, “Didn’t she go to him herself?”, “Come on, she couldn’t help but understand what they want from her”, “But she can prove ?

The main problem with such questions and statements is that they are not addressed to the perpetrators — or alleged perpetrators — of violence. They are for the victims. In the comments on numerous news posts, it is extremely rare to see questions like “Why did he rape her?” or «Why did he treat her like that?» But there are a lot of questions starting with the words «Why is she …». This clever maneuver of shifting responsibility from the executioner to the victim is by no means new — it has been characteristic of the public consciousness since ancient times.

“Why were you silent before?”

Belief in a just world is not just big words. This is a socio-psychological phenomenon that is directly related to the need to feel safe.

“If I dress decently, no one will bother me”, “If I don’t go alone late at night, nothing will happen to me”, “If I don’t meet men in a bar, nothing threatens me”, “If I will explain to my wife and children how to behave properly, they will be all right.”

By coming up with such attitudes, a person convinces himself that following a certain set of rules guarantees protection from trouble.

The problem is that these rules do not work — they can reduce risks in certain situations, but they cannot protect completely. According to statistics, more than half of the rapes are committed not by maniacs in dark alleys, but by acquaintances or even close people. And this violence has nothing to do with the length of the skirt, the brightness of the makeup, or the “wrong” behavior of the victim.

However, statistics and research cannot eliminate the tendency of society to victimblaming (a term formed from the English words victim — «victim» and blame — «blame»). Including, because to recognize the relative futility of «safety rules» means to recognize oneself as vulnerable as the victim of violence. In fact, equate yourself to it. And this is very scary, and the psyche blocks such thoughts (if they arise at all) in order to protect itself.

“Faith in a just world is a linear view of life. It is very difficult for a person to admit the idea that something unfair can happen. And the only thing that comes to his mind in this situation is to blame the victim, — says psychotherapist Vladimir Dashevsky. — The question «Why were you silent before?» makes no sense, it cannot be answered. Moreover, he bears a hidden charge. A person asking such a question is trying to show that he knows the correct answer. Thus, he puts himself above the victim, as if he is smarter, more experienced and has some special knowledge. This question is very arrogant, and its only purpose is to victimize the victim, to blame her for what happened.

«Why didn’t you go to the police?»

The words of the victim of violence are often questioned, referring to the fact that a lot of time has passed (sometimes several decades) and there is no evidence. In this case, the victim is usually asked another popular humiliating question: “Why didn’t you write a statement?”

“In an ideal world, it would probably be like this: a victim of violence would immediately go to the police with a statement, a driver who violated traffic rules would immediately pay a fine, and a passenger who stepped on another’s foot in the subway would immediately ask for forgiveness,” continues Vladimir Dashevsky. “But in our society, patriarchal house-building norms are deeply rooted, the roots of which go back to Christianity: “And then he will reward everyone according to his deeds.” It is there that lies the assumption, which lies in the depths of the collective unconscious: if you have sinned, God will repay you. According to this logic, it turns out that the victim of violence thus receives punishment from God.

Such beliefs testify to the inertness of our consciousness: a person believes that the world is not only fair, but also manageable. Attributing to himself an understanding of the mechanisms of «higher punishment», a person puts himself in the place of God and believes that he himself controls reality. Therefore, religiosity is often very primitive — it simplifies the idea of ​​the unknowability of the universe and God.

Life involves an infinite number of options and accidents that can happen to any person at any given time. The patriarchal consciousness does not accept these accidents. Therefore, it is easier for a person to blame the victim in order to fit this situation into the framework of his extremely limited perception.

“Well done, at his age — and so many women!”

Another facet of these beliefs is manifested in sexist jokes in support of the accused: “This is a man, so that I could do it at his age!” Oddly enough, this is a feature not of a patriarchal, but of a matriarchal society.

“These jokes become possible when we objectify the sexual partner, be it a woman or a man,” Dashevsky explains. — In this case, the partner as a person does not matter. Only the ability of the male to “cover” as many females as possible is important. This is an ancient feature of a matriarchal society, when the value of a man was determined in this way.

Such jokes have another explanation. Its roots go back to deep male fears, which are often not only not recognized by the men themselves, but are not even realized.

“The biggest male fear is the impossibility of an erection,” says the psychotherapist. “By and large, the one who supports people accused of rape with such jokes demonstrates this fear to the whole world. He lives in every man, it’s just that someone is stronger, and someone is weaker. But few people are capable of admitting this, even to themselves.

“I went with him myself, it’s my own fault”

In the 1960s, social psychologist Melvin Lerner conducted a series of experiments to study the phenomenon of belief in a just world. The subjects were shown a video in which innocent people (specially hired actors) were punished — received an electric shock if they made mistakes in training. And the observer, in order to fit this unfair picture in his mind, independently endowed the victims with negative traits. The need to harmonize his own picture of the world led him to assume that these people are not so good after all and deserve the way they are treated.

«Once upon a time there was a girl, she is to blame»

This effect can be observed even in parent-child relationships. When a child complains of being mistreated by a teacher, many parents ask, “What did you do? Perhaps he misbehaved? Most adults do not consider their children bad at all, but it is very scary to accept the idea that life can be so unfair to their child.

“If we bring this idea to its logical conclusion, then we will come, no less, to fascism,” says Vladimir Dashevsky. — Above the gates of the Buchenwald concentration camp there was an inscription: «Jedem das seine», which in translation into Russian means the same «To each his own» or «To each according to his deserts.» This is what victimblaming is: you deserve it, so you get it. Research on this topic was actively carried out after the Second World War, mainly in Western Europe. The German philosopher and sociologist Theodor Adorno even developed the so-called F-scale to determine the degree of «fascisization» of society. In Russian society, this figure is extremely high.”

«She’s just PR on this scandal»

This accusation brings us back to the question of reputation and the general attitude in society towards victims of violence. Women (and even more so men, in view of the gender stereotypes that have developed in modern society), admitting that they were raped, do not become innocently insulted in the eyes of others. Very often they themselves are forced to fight off attacks, accusations of lying and that they used the situation in their favor. But the therapeutic effect of admitting one’s pain is greater than the fear of judgment.

“I admit that some women really want to promote themselves on this,” Vladimir Dashevsky explains. “But if you try to imagine at least for a second the horror in which the victim of rape or harassment, then it is very easy to understand the true motive that makes her speak. If a person keeps a severe trauma in himself for decades, memory replaces it. Our psyche is too hard to live with. Being heard, even after 20 or 30 years, is incredibly important. And this opportunity to speak out is much more important than the hypothetical consequences for the rapist.

Our society is imbued with distrust: the Gulag, neighbors who denounce each other, envying a new carpet or an extra square meter in an apartment … It is very easy for us not to believe and it is difficult to treat people sincerely. We cannot be completely honest with our loved ones and even with ourselves. We have a huge number of fears, but most of all we are afraid that we will not be accepted, rejected. And this global distrust of the world also feeds the desire to condemn, accuse of slander and dubious motives.

«She wanted it herself»

The unwillingness to take responsibility for one’s own decisions and actions is another reason for victim-blaming. This does not mean that anyone who did not believe the victim of violence or accused her of wearing a “too short skirt” is themselves involved in something like that. But when a person sees how someone else is being punished for a crime, he automatically projects this situation onto himself.

This is especially acute if it is easy to associate yourself with the accused: for example, «we are both men, both white, we both like women of this type.» A person who identifies with an alleged rapist may never have done such a thing. But now he has to think about the fact that for some other actions he will also be “rewarded”, as well-known personalities are “rewarded”.

These thoughts cause such strong psychological discomfort that the easiest way out is to go over to the side of the aggressor: «He is not to blame, but she wanted to.» In this way, a person whitewashes himself in his own eyes, no matter what offense — even the most innocent — may be discussed.

“Taking responsibility is very scary. It is very difficult to live consciously, to understand what you are doing, and to be responsible for it. People generally don’t like to be held accountable,” Dashevsky says. — This is also a feature of national psychology: it is customary for us to hide the true motives, to cheat. It is customary to give bribes, to evade taxes. «Not caught, not a thief». This indicates a high level of infantilism in society. A person believes that if you hide your bad deeds, you can continue to do them.

This approach comes precisely from the incredible infantilism and the refusal to accept it. Acceptance of infantility implies the need to grow up, and being aware of yourself as an adult and taking responsibility for yourself is also scary. This inevitably entails other degrees of responsibility, and few people really want this.

That is why many people hope that famous people accused of violence will be acquitted, their innocence will be proven. Or at least not proven guilty. I myself often find myself trying to find some explanation for their actions. The degree of this discussion is now so over the top that it is very difficult to find the truth.

The issue of violence is very important here. We either allow ourselves to do it or we don’t. Another scandal is a reason for each of us to think about where this “brake” is in our head, does it work at the right time? Where is the border? Will I take the found wallet or try to find the owner? Will I take advantage of power or position if I get nothing for it? Will I take a bribe if I know for sure that I won’t get caught? Apparently, people who condemn the victims of violence have not resolved this issue for themselves. Or they have never even been asked about it, and a loud scandal pushes them to the need to think about it.

The question of responsibility and awareness of one’s own moral boundaries is also connected with the need to believe in the very model of a just world.

“In my opinion, the world is ruled by chance,” comments Vladimir Dashevsky. To recognize this is to recognize existence in uncertainty. In a world full of uncertainty, such events are possible — tsunamis, earthquakes, rapes, murders. In this world, people show bad qualities, relying on their power or authority. And that is why the mass consciousness tends to whitewash the rapist rather than accept the position of the victim.

If we dare to admit that life is really unfair and inexplicably cruel, then we will inevitably encounter very unpleasant feelings. We will feel our own vulnerability, and we will have to consciously take responsibility for our actions. It is extremely difficult to accept this. But it is this acceptance that makes us truly adult, thinking people.