It is useless to search for your deepest “I” in order to come to terms with yourself … because such a “I” does not exist! Simply, the philosopher is sure, we should not miss our chance to be happy …
Psychologies : To be in harmony with yourself – what does it mean, in your opinion?
Clement Rosse Clement Rosse: It means to feel at ease, to be happy, not to ask questions about yourself and your actions. This is a state that denotes our natural “dominant”; it turns out that some can be in agreement with themselves, while others cannot. And there is nothing that can be done to bring us into this state. Because we succeed only in what we do naturally, without unnecessary thought and effort. As a rule, very well built plans collapse. Our premeditated hits on the ball, in which we put both will and desire, often end up with the ball flying out of bounds. Reflection at the moment of committing an act is the enemy of success. Only spontaneously do we do what makes us feel good. If we look around, look at those who are nearby, we will see that many people succeed. Of course, you can find hundreds of modern books, the authors of which talk about their troubles, about how uncomfortable and uncomfortable they are in their own lives. But I don’t think that’s the case for most of us.
Let’s say. But after all, our environment also affects whether we will be in agreement with ourselves or not?
K. R. K. R.: Not! The ability to maintain peace of mind implies the ability to live “in one’s reserved garden” without caring about others. Enjoy this state and not strive with all your might to share it. It is not easy to take such a position, as it is often regarded as selfish. Of course, when we can help someone, do something for a person in trouble, it would be reprehensible to step back. But I would say that sometimes selfishness is a virtue: think of the many “benefactors of mankind” who have killed millions of people. It can be considered desirable to be in a state where we are not “concerned” with others: we are not trying to make them happy or harm them. I don’t trust the frantic desire to make others happy; it is usually a reflection of the desire to communicate my neuroses to others.
It turns out that we can in no way influence either our internal state or the self-perception of others?
K. R. K. R.A: Sure, sounds pretty hopeless. But not really. The feeling of being at peace with oneself is a gift that one must be able to accept. And here we can do something, because contrary to what we used to think, living in this state is not so easy. Guilt and a false fear of being overly selfish cause some of us to forego the joy of life that we are naturally inclined to. “Pieces of bad luck are easier to swallow than pieces of good luck,” remarked the Spanish philosopher Baltasar Gracian y Morales. We know how to clench our fists, endure hardships with all our might, resist the blows of fate and problems with all our might. But from the “big piece of luck” we can fall into confusion. Love, wealth, success are sometimes harder to digest than misfortune. This is the kind of fear of winning that champions talk about when they get stuck and lose a game even though they had everything they needed to win.
But the champion knows what he wants: to win the match. And if I don’t know what I want, maybe I need to look at my inner “I” in order to choose the right path that will lead to agreement with myself?
“THE BEST OF WORLDS IS NOT THE ONE WHERE YOU GET WHAT YOU WANT, BUT THE ONE WHERE YOU WANT SOMETHING AT ALL”
K. R. K. R.: This is an incorrect statement of the question, since there is no inner “I”, which would be the key to our personality and would be hidden behind our ordinary “I”, does not exist. So I don’t think that we should try to find it in ourselves – and in others, by the way, too. We sometimes hear from others: “I would like to know you more deeply.” But do we have this deep, secret “I”? No, this is a ghost, a trap, a phantom that haunts us. Our desire to hunt it down, capture it, surprise it, take it by force is an enterprise doomed to failure. The “I” of each of us is woven from circumstances, random meetings and events that have left their mark on us. They turned us into a patchwork quilt sewn from many pieces – special, unique. This “I” – public, not personal – is quite real and, moreover, perfectly knows how to find the best solutions for us, without turning to our personal, hidden “I” for help.
But what about the unconscious? Do you think it doesn’t exist?
K. R. K. R.: There is, but this is not at all our secret “I”, it is an autonomous “I”, which supposedly is located in the very depths of our being. Our identity is always built in relationships with others. Our unconscious, the impulses that operate in us, come from outside. They arise because we are trying to reproduce, copy the desires of our parents and those whom we have chosen as our models. If you went to lie down on the psychoanalyst’s couch, the mistake lies in the very question that you ask yourself: “What do I really want?” The best of all worlds is not the one where they get what they want, but the one where they want something at all. Desire is life. The main source of trouble is the lack of intention, a clear desire. One who feels discord with himself is often a wavering person: And, of course, nothing happens: if you do not know what you want, then you have no chance of achieving it! “There is only one way to love women – to put them in your arms. Everything else – friendship, respect, intellectual sympathy without love – are phantoms, and cruel phantoms. Because it is phantoms that are truly cruel: real facts can always be negotiated,” said the writer Henry de Montherlant. The lack of agreement with oneself or a clear, specific desire is like a twisted tree that is very difficult to straighten. And it doesn’t go away with age.
All this is not very happy …
K. R. K. R.: Well, why not. Miracles often happen. Chance intervenes. And when this happens, you have to grab hold of the outstretched pole. Some know how to use their chance. Others, unfortunately, have the talent to refuse what would be good for them, and prefer to torture themselves, because in suffering they scream, feel that they are alive, and, most importantly, they can “get” those around them with their misfortunes. This is not such a small compensation. Be that as it may, be calm: everything is bad. Let’s take courage!