A common situation: he and she meet (the option is to live together), but due to certain circumstances, each has accumulated grievances and claims against the other side, as a result of which faith in the possibility of prospects is gone. And it’s just that any words and deeds are already interpreted in a negative way, from “you want to prick with your indifference” to “you smile because you need my apartment.” As a rule, during a crisis of confidence, people leave, but still hope for “What if love comes back? And suddenly everything will be fixed? and looking for an opportunity to fix something. Often turn to a psychologist. If you turn to a good psychologist — that’s right.
A typical solution is approaching in steps under the supervision of a psychologist. Steps:
- Stay in different areas. At this time: come to your senses, heal wounds and at the same time master the basic skills of syntonic communication. Participants send the psychologist reports on the work done every evening. For example, «Yoga 45 minutes» (if it’s about restoring a normal state of mind) or more detailed reports on working on basic communication skills. Any RELATIONSHIPS are strictly prohibited. No talk about relationships, about what happened, who thinks what and who feels what. If one side initiates it, the other side must stop it. Time — from two weeks to a month.
- Limited communication. Short meetings on neutral territory and interaction only on business. Give a ride by car, resolve the issue with the school for children … The main thing is that this communication is completely under the control of a psychologist, any SMS is not private, but material for control. Nightly reports from both parties. Any negotiations about relationships — only in writing (this gives clarity of wording and great responsibility), all in a copy to the psychologist. The condition is the unconditional acceptance of corrections from the psychologist, who is right or wrong — he decides. If someone disagrees and behaves incorrectly, the psychologist suggests stopping communication again. The task is to teach both parties to communicate syntonously, in a positive, constructive and responsible way.
- Free communication under the supervision of a psychologist, the parties learn to follow the format. The psychologist still controls everything, all difficult negotiations are only in writing, from a couple of daily reports. It is useful to practice Days of Care: sharing wish lists of what someone needs from a partner — and completing items independently selected from these lists.
- Free communication, where the parties learn to live independently. It is highly desirable that in these relationships a man learns to be the leader of the relationship, to abide by the Family Constitution, to control himself and build a woman when necessary. Women respect strong men. The role of the psychologist at this stage is an observer from afar. Both benefit from the exercise «If I loved …»