Do not try to punish – it will only get worse.
Lerochka, the daughter of my friend, has always been a rather calm child. This year she went to first grade. And a couple of weeks ago, Lera’s mother was called to school. It turned out that her quiet daughter is terrorizing the whole class. Lera, this sweet girl, suddenly began to dismiss her fists. It got to the point that the parents of other children are demanding to transfer the girl to another school.
– Why is she behaving this way? – the girlfriend does not understand. She herself, by the way, is a very calm and balanced person. She never yelled at her daughter. Yes, there are quarrels with my husband, and quite often, but they always take place behind closed doors.
So where did the little villain come from in the child, and what to do about it? Let’s ask the famous child and family psychologist Larisa Surkova.
Childhood aggression is not born out of the blue. The reason may be due to family problems. You and your spouse are in conflict, and all this affects the child. In this case, it is not at all necessary that it comes to a fight. Aggression against each other can be verbal or even hidden. A child in such a family feels uncomfortable. He absorbs everything into himself, and then broadcasts it at school in the form of aggression. Therefore, first of all, start with yourself.
Here is a simple test from Larisa Surkova to control her own aggressive manifestations. For three days, write down on paper:
1. How many times have you raised your voice directly to the child?
2. How many times have you raised your voice to other children or your husband?
3. How many times in a day have you hugged and kissed your child?
4. How many times in a day did you send your child to go about their business in response to his request to play / sit / walk with him?
5. How many times have you apologized for the breakdowns in your emotions, if any?
By the second half of the first day, according to the psychologist, the number of recorded moments on the 1st, 2nd and 4th points decreases, and on the 3rd – it grows. Realizing this, you will cease to be a distorting mirror for your children, and the situation will gradually return to normal.
If all is well with you, study the child’s environment – kindergarten, school, friends, toys, TV and computer games.
The causes of aggression can be hormonal. The child has a teenage crisis, hormones are raging, and he is angry with everyone. Another reason is social. The child feels uncomfortable in this particular team. And so he defends himself.
Therefore, first of all, it is necessary to look for the cause of the aggression. If you do not know why it occurs, it cannot be overcome. You can’t just tell your child, “You’ve been punished for your behavior.” This will only make things worse.
So, deal with the reason, start with yourself, seek help from a child psychologist. But what should other parents do if their children are the victim of a little aggressor? When you find out that your child is being bullied, the first impulse is to go to school and deal with the bully. But is it right?
Usually, as we can see, such showdowns do not end well. Because parents are unable to control their emotions, they can slap their child’s abuser on the head. And this is a very big problem, including a criminally punishable one. So I would not advise doing this and trying to solve all the issues at the adult level. You need to contact a school psychologist, urge the child’s parents to take action, but definitely not respond with aggression.