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A boy in a girl: what to do if a child behaves “off the floor” – Larisa Surkova
Today’s children are much easier than we did in our time, treat gender issues. No wonder the term “unisex” appeared, suitable for both sexes. And even “pansexuality”, when a boy / girl likes not only girls / boys, but both.
Parents are often frightened when a boy refuses to play war games or cars, but prefers to dress up dolls with his sister or girlfriends. And if the girl is a tomboy, she is ashamed: “Well, you are a girl.” But what if it went a little further than just games? If the child does not fully understand who he really is? How to deal with a confused teenager – try to break it or accept it as it is? There are many questions. We understand the situation together with a psychologist – a mother of five children and Ph.D. Larisa Surkova.
Only the lazy did not discuss the situation that has been taking place in the collapsed family of Pitt and Jolie for several years. We are talking about their 10-year-old daughter Shiloh. The girl cuts her hair short, wears exclusively men’s clothes, prefers samurai swords to dolls and asks to be called Peter. A year ago, Shiloh found out that there was a sex reassignment operation, and now she asks her parents to take her to a plastic surgeon. According to Western media reports, the father of the family is seriously concerned about the situation, but Angelina is calm about her daughter’s behavior.
– The situation in the Jolie and Pitt family is difficult to analyze, because we do not know what is really going on with them. Talking about Shiloh’s true transgender behavior is difficult. We see that the spouses are getting divorced, but we do not know what quarrels there were and in what way the girl won the attention of her parents. I will not be surprised at all if 2-3 years pass and she will turn into a beautiful young lady who will wear fluffy skirts, high-heeled shoes and become a supermodel. Such behavior of a child can be a kind of protest and a way to attract attention to himself. So the child can demonstrate that some values regarding one of the parents are not important to him and he wants to be more attached and loved by the other parent.
Her Hollywood colleague Charlize Theron is in solidarity with Jolie: her adopted son Jackson prefers to wear girlish dresses and skirts. The star does not go against the boy and admits that she does not care what others think about it.
The same opinion is shared by the beauties Megan Fox and Gwen Stefani, whose sons are not averse to turning into Hollywood princesses by trying on Elsa’s dress from the cartoon “Frozen”.
Angelina Jolie and her daughters. Shiloh – right
And if Jolie’s children – Theron, Stephanie and Fox – are still small enough to make any serious conclusions about their gender, then the offspring of other celebrities have already managed to change their sex for real. The most famous example is Chaz Bono, the 48-year-old daughter and now the son of the singer Cher. Seven years ago, she changed her gender and passport and now lives a happy and fulfilling life as a man. At first, the star mother made such a decision to her daughter with hostility and did not even communicate with Chaz, but over time she calmed down and now loves the child as he is.
– About Cher, I can say that she is great, she behaved like a good mother who did not abandon her son. The main problem in such situations is the rejection of the child by their parents.
Let’s return to the situation when from early childhood the boy is not at all interested in cars, but with great pleasure he nurses the dolls of his older sister. Conversely, the girl refuses to be a cute princess, preferring to wear a baseball cap and play with the boys.
– I have a son, do you know what he gave? That he is now not Igor, but Masha! Like, she doesn’t want to be a boy anymore, – through the humorous intonations in the voice of Christina, the mother of her three-year-old son, distinct notes of panic break through.
Cher and her now son Chaz Bono
You can, of course, laugh and forget – they say, in six months it will pass like smoke from white apple trees. And you can get a lot of stress and lose sleep for a long time, which, most likely, will happen to especially anxious mothers.
What to do? Experts give universal advice: first of all, drop panic! At an early age, such statements by babies do not have serious consequences and, as a rule, are the reason for the incorrect behavior of parents.
– Often, boys between the ages of 4 and 6 talk about wanting to be girls, and this has nothing to do with the fact that they are not satisfied with their own gender. It’s just that the girl’s position in our society is more advantageous, because from childhood they say: give in to the girl, don’t touch the girl. Once the boy realizes this and chooses to be a girl for himself: he dreams of becoming her, puts on dresses, but this does not mean at all that the baby does not accept his gender.
The specialist emphasizes: if there are no such conversations, the son simply loves dolls or the daughter is more interested in robots than dolls, you should not interfere with this and expose the child to ridicule. Better to ask questions as to why this is happening. Ask the child why he wants it?
– If there are moments in the behavior of a schoolchild or adolescent that cause anxiety of parents, then it makes sense to seek help from a specialist – a psychologist or psychiatrist.
Genes or a mistake in the heavenly office?
True transgenderness, or non-acceptance of the gender given to a person from birth, is a rare phenomenon. And yet there are people like that. They say about them: “When bodies were handed out to souls in the heavenly office, the angels confused something.” The metaphor is beautiful, but tragic: in our society, transgender people are not understood or accepted, considering this feature a deviation and perversion.
That is why parents feel a real shock when they learn the bitter truth about their children. They lose control over their emotions, they can utter a bunch of terrible words to the child, or even delete the offspring from their lives. This is the biggest mistake adults make.
Megan Fox and her son Noah-Shannon
According to Larisa Surkova, mother and father must understand that in this situation, the person concerned is not they, but the one who feels out of his own body. And the main task is to provide him with maximum help, and not break through the knee, trying to correct the situation at all costs.
– There is a small percentage of people who have a failure at the genetic level, and they feel that they are not of the same gender. We cannot fix anything, get into their genetic code. In such situations, there is often a risk of suicide, when a person feels like a man in a woman’s body, and vice versa, when parents and society do not understand and accept him. That is why emotional support from loved ones and making plans for the future in accordance with how the child would like to feel is important. Transgenderness cannot be cleaned out or corrected. This is exactly the case when a person at an older age can think about changing sex, because only then he begins to feel happy.