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Destiny is not a myth, not a vow, not one road forever. There are many paths worth trying. This is what gives us the strength to get out of bed in the morning. Thanks to him, we become emotionally stable, sleep better and resist stress, get more pleasure from life. How to understand what it is?
MYTHS ABOUT PURPOSE
The first reason why this word confuses some is the prefix “pre-”, as if talking about predestination: a mystical meaning that is given by someone from above, and not found by the person himself.
The second reason for skepticism in relation to the search for one’s own mission is the belief that the idea should be one and only, unchanged throughout life.
Once formulated, it must lead one course, and to try something new is to betray it. It’s like the notorious «soulmate» concept, harmful in that it talks about supposedly destined for one partner for life. So we wander all our lives in search of one important thing, losing the opportunity to test different hypotheses and get to know ourselves better.
Trying to think of purpose as testing a hypothesis that can be proven or moving on to a new assumption gives us the freedom to think that we can be realized in different ways, not to be sad about the only possible lost option and feel stressed by our own failure.
Why do we need to know about it
I would like to de-mystify the process of formulating purpose. Purpose (English purpose) can be called differently: super-goal, meaning or life mission. The process of “search for yourself”, your own values and prioritization of important tasks has nothing to do with the supposedly mystical “discovery” of destiny.
It is not secret knowledge that comes from miraculous practices or revelation. It’s like proving a hypothesis: you’re trying to do what you like or are already good at. As a result, the search helps to know and be in touch with yourself, to live consciously and to focus your energy, time and resources on the most important.
According to research, people who know meaning and mission for themselves live longer, cope with stress better, burn out less at work, are less prone to depression and have emotional resistance. They are more self-confident, achieve goals more effectively, have higher income and quality of life.
As the British say, they live a big life — «they live big.» To understand how this works at the brain level, consider two studies.
Knowledge of purpose becomes a buffer against stressors and makes us emotionally stable.
The first, led by Cornell University professor Anthony Burrow, took place in Chicago subway cars with a high concentration of ethnic diversity. Usually people in such conditions have a high level of stress. Interestingly, people who thought about their own mission felt 4 times less lonely and anxious than the rest of the respondents.
The second was conducted among students at the University of Chicago and simulated the recruitment process. The students told why their candidacy was suitable for the position, and the researchers expressed doubts about their viability. Next, we compared stress scores by measuring cortisol levels. People who knew their purpose spent noticeably less time recovering from stress and used the most constructive strategies to cope with it.
The general summary of both studies is that knowledge of purpose becomes a buffer against stressors and makes us emotionally stable.
This is confirmed by statistics: according to another study conducted among tens of thousands of US residents, people with an understanding of their mission, even in a state of constant financial stress, think about suicide 3 times less than people who live life meaninglessly.
HOW TO FIND A DESTINATION
When we talk about destiny, stories like this pop up in our heads: “When I left my hometown for a two-week trip to Antarctica, I had no idea that I would never return to my old life.”
The search for meaning has been associated with radical change, called «quantum» change (a term coined by William Miller, Ph.D., University of New Mexico, in 1994). Quantum changes fundamentally change the personality, values, outlook on life and on one’s role in the world.
Such changes occur under the influence of emotional or physical stress. It could be the death of a loved one, a divorce, a life-threatening illness, a war, a natural disaster, a move. It would be correct to say that often crises become harbingers of quantum changes.
It is not necessary to flee to the North Pole to take control of the «inner turmoil», the formulation of your meanings and goals will help.
However, there is another way: when changes begin with discomfort. This state of dissatisfaction and confusion, Joe Nowinsky, a Connecticut psychologist, calls «inner turmoil.» People don’t know what they want or where they want to go, stuck in a certain lifestyle.
Quantum change can begin with a feeling that the usual alignment does not bring pleasure, does not inspire, does not bring joy. Then the changes are initiated by the person himself without a crisis situation.
If a person is open to a deep study of himself, then new ideas will penetrate into different parts of life and lead to positive changes. The chronic feeling of fear, resentment and anger will be replaced by peace, love, inner strength and a sense of newfound purpose.
This can start a whole cycle of change that will lead to a new course in life. You don’t have to run to the North Pole. The formulation of your own meanings and goals will help to take control of the state of «internal turmoil».
8 questions to identify core values and purpose
1. What is important to me? Who are the most important people to me?
Maybe it’s your children, spouse, students, colleagues and members of your team, pets?
2.How do I describe myself when I am at my best?
Think of times when you felt uplifted: energetic, empathic, inspiring, brave, loving, fun, grateful, organized, calm, balanced, optimistic, and so on.
3. Who relies on or depends on me?
4.Who inspires me?
5.What topics concern me the most?
These can be topics related to society, creativity, technology, ideas, ecology, science, innovation, human rights.
6.What am I grateful for in life?
7.What motivates me to get up every morning?
8. How do I want to be remembered in this life?
If you want to live meaningfully, get out of stress faster, be emotionally stable, sleep well, worry less, build deep relationships with loved ones, enjoy life, then proving the hypothesis of purpose may not be so useless.
This has become especially important now, when we are all faced with difficult circumstances full of uncertainty.