Why are we always in a hurry, but still we do not have enough time? We have a huge number of things to do, but there is no time to deal with them. How to manage everything and at the same time find time for good leisure and relaxation? The problem is not only the lack of time, but also the inefficiency of its use. We interfere with ourselves without noticing it, and it slows us down a lot.
We waste time doing useless activities. How exactly? Here are 9 typical examples.
1.We strive to be efficient and diligent. “Many of us have learned from childhood that extravagance and carelessness is a sin and a sign of irresponsibility. We fear that we will be judged and found guilty. We try to make sure that no one finds out about our “vice”, because the feeling of guilt is very painful,” explains clinical therapist Aaron Carmine.
Unfortunately, it is impossible to completely prevent inefficiency. We can take reasonable precautions, but we cannot predict the future. Sooner or later, we fail and suffer from the very guilt that we have tried so hard to avoid.
2.We are trying to prove something to someone. At the same time, we don’t really know what exactly we are proving and when it’s already enough, so we don’t understand at what point it’s time to stop, and we continue to “work in vain”. This is a painful experience, because of which we spend much more time and energy than the situation requires.
3.We are trying to get someone’s attention, to get other people to notice us. It seems to us that their attention is very important to us, that it proves our worth as a person and helps to eliminate doubts and self-doubt. Self-doubt is always painful.
We will not get rid of this pain until we learn to look for the source of self-confidence. If we stop needing the approval of others, we will save a lot of time.
4.We’re having a power struggletrying to figure out who is right and who is wrong, who can force the other to submit to his will, who is higher and who is lower in the hierarchy. The «winner» gains power and control, the «loser» loses it, which is always very painful.
“We can spend our whole lives trying to avoid losing control, while not really understanding what this control is and how to properly dispose of it,” emphasizes Aaron Karmine.
We wait a long time for the perfect moment to take action. But that moment will never come
5.We try to vent our anger by taking revenge or getting even with the offender. But revenge very often breeds reciprocal revenge. We are both wasting time and energy on this that cannot be returned.
6.We give up and lose motivation if the problem is not solved the first time. We scold ourselves for a failed attempt, as if it would help us somehow. “There is no point in derogatory self-criticism after failure, so we only exacerbate our self-doubt,” reminds Aaron Carmine.
7.We are trying to prevent possible troubles and misfortunes in the future. We imagine some situation and try to avoid it. «If I don’t finish my report today, my boss will yell at me.»
“We are not soothsayers and cannot predict the future. Our fears are most often not based on reality,” emphasizes Carmine. We begin to behave counterproductively, trying at all costs to prevent the unpleasant outcome that we “predicted”. As a result, we are so nervous that we cannot finish the report on time.
8.We try to take responsibility for other peopledespite the fact that they are able to answer for themselves. In fact, we are not trying to help them, but simply satisfying in this way our deep need to be needed by someone.
9.We wait a long time for the perfect moment to take action. But that moment will never come. We make decisions, and then we begin to doubt them and change everything. Because we don’t know exactly what is the right thing to do, we procrastinate and do nothing.