We are used to feeling constant pressure to achieve more, grow and develop all the time. On social networks, we see profiles of people whose lives seem to be perfect. Not surprisingly, many of us begin to feel like we are lagging behind others.
The tendency to self-criticism is one of the main characteristics of perfectionists. We never feel like we’re good enough. We are never satisfied with the result and the effort invested. We set unrealistic demands on ourselves that we simply cannot meet. This serves us as proof of our inferiority compared to others.
You can say that you should treat yourself stricter, because it motivates us to become better. But criticism more often causes shame, rather than increases motivation. It strikes at our self-esteem. By scolding ourselves, we cannot improve.
Many of us find it easier to love others than ourselves. We self-flagellate, maintain unhealthy relationships, ingest toxic substances, and mutilate our bodies, all because we believe we are “different,” and this makes us inferior, not just imperfect people who are quite worthy of love and respect.
Surely you are well aware of all your shortcomings, but do not appreciate and underestimate your merits
These nine ways can help you silence your “inner critic”.
1. Adjust unrealistic expectations. It’s impossible to do everything perfectly. Hoping that you will succeed, you only doom yourself to inevitable disappointment. Focus on progress, not on an unattainable ideal.
2. Recognize your strengths. Perfectionists are so strict with themselves that they often forget about their merits. You don’t have to be able to do everything, but you can do a lot.
3. Recognize your weaknesses and shortcomings. Of course, in addition to strengths, each of us has enough shortcomings. We cannot fix them alone, and it remains only to accept them. And others can be eliminated by working on yourself. But in any case, we should not be ashamed of them or think about them endlessly. Nobody’s perfect.
4. Our value goes beyond success. If we think carefully about what is truly valuable and important in life, we will understand that people can be generous, loving, caring, creative and hardworking, but they are not necessarily successful or winners.
5. Learn from mistakes. Try not to view them as failures, but as opportunities for learning, growth, and development.
6. Don’t expect others to validate your worth. First of all, it is important that you value yourself. If your self-worth depends on the opinions of others, you are handing over power to them. Value your opinion.
7. Stay away from negative people. If someone refuses to treat you with due respect, you have the right to end contact with that person. It’s hard to end an unhealthy relationship when you yourself feel like a failure and feel like you really deserve to be treated with disrespect. It is necessary to fight both “internal” and “external” critics at the same time.
8. Learn to treat yourself with compassion and forgive yourself. Most do not like to talk about their failures, defeats and self-doubt, so you can decide that everyone is doing well and only you are full of problems and failures. Self-compassion is the opposite of self-criticism. With self-compassion, you admit that you are not perfect, but you do your best.
9. Don’t engage in negative self-talk. These conversations happen automatically and are deeply rooted in our psyches. Do not take the negative statements of your “inner voice” for granted. Ask yourself: is this true? Where is the evidence? Do you really believe this yourself, or is your inner voice just paraphrasing the words of other people? You are able to create your own ideas about yourself based on your experiences and your values.
We deserve good treatment both from other people and from ourselves. By becoming kinder to yourself, you will be mentally well-being and will be able to improve your relationships with others.