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Dress or pants? Pasternak or Mandelstam? Family or career? Since life forces us to make decisions every day, it would be good to master the way of reasoning, which will allow us to be less tormented by doubts.
“The fork of two roads – I chose the one Where you bypass travelers for a mile. Everything else doesn’t matter”1. Like Robert Frost, we very often have to choose, and these decisions, whether it is choosing between a latte and a cappuccino or choosing a job, one way or another determine our future. And if sometimes you can’t decide between coffee, education, or whatever, here are nine helpful tips from psychologist Juliana Breines.
1. Study the disposition
Even if you make a decision based on the call of your heart, and not obeying the voice of reason, you need to collect as much information as possible. Studies show that intuition works best for those who are initially well versed in the issue.2. Before choosing anything, become an expert in the field.
Read more:
- “Assumptions are not allowed”: how to make a choice?
2. Talk to people who have been in a similar situation
Try to find people who are able to honestly tell what and how they chose in similar circumstances and why. It is clear that each case is unique, but it will still be easier to get a general idea. In addition, this way you can better imagine your own reactions to upcoming events.
3. Be aware of the tricks of the unconscious
Science is well aware of a psychological effect called post-decision dissonance. It manifests itself in the fact that, having made a choice in favor of one of two options, we tend to consider it much more profitable than it seemed until we chose it. That is why people often persist in delusion, not wanting to admit their mistakes. Do not lose sight of this effect when, having entered the chosen path, you begin to evaluate your actions.
4. Forget about others for a while
Of course, when making a decision, it is strange not to take into account the wishes and needs of our relatives and loved ones. But in addition to these really important people, we often look back at work colleagues, friends, “party” – “what will they think?” All this, as a rule, is not important, but if it is difficult for you to exclude this factor from your decision, imagine that you are on a desert island – and understand what society imposes on you, and what you want.
5. Keep a balance between timidity and recklessness
To be successful, you have to take risks. Sometimes you have to take big risks. It does not follow, however, that fear should be neglected in decision making. Fear is aimed at protecting our lives, and we should not completely forget about it. Just remember: your goal comes first, your fears second, not the other way around.
6. Remember the third option
Try not to dwell on the decisions that came to your mind in the first place. Ask yourself if there is any other option. Remember that making a decision right now is often not necessary. For example, if you’re torn between two potential partners, it could be a sign that you don’t like either of them much. Maybe you should find someone who really deserves you? ..
Jonah Lehrer How We Make Decisions
American journalist Jonah Lehrer could not choose cereal for breakfast in the supermarket. And I thought of writing an essay about it. Lehrer notes that we make some decisions after thinking well, others spontaneously. True, upon closer examination, the second choice turns out to be not at all spontaneous, it entirely depends on our experience.
7. Ventilate your head
If you can’t make a decision in any way, try to completely distract yourself from it: take a week-long vacation and spend it with your family, go to the country for the weekend, go to the movies – anything is fine if you stop thinking about your problem. If you keep thinking about the same thing for a long time, attention is scattered, you are drowning in details and forget about the general plan. Try to step back, and a different perspective will open up for you.
8. Try
Before making an important decision, test drive your ideas: imagine that the decision has already been made, and live with this feeling for several days. In this way, you will be able to understand how you feel in a new environment in different life situations, and your choice will be less dependent on the circumstances of the current moment.
9. Ideal does not exist
Making the right decision is especially difficult if you are constantly trying to find a way out that will suit everyone and from which everyone will feel better. The hard truth is that usually there is no ideal solution, but only the optimal one, that is, the one that suits the largest number of people and has the least number of unpleasant consequences. However, getting rid of them, most likely, will not work. Therefore, every choice is somewhat difficult and unpleasant. But that doesn’t mean it’s the wrong choice.
Read more:
- Make a choice: why is it so difficult
- Solution Focused Therapy
- Neuroeconomics: our life as a choice
1 R. Frost “Another Road” (ARGO-RISK; Rudomino, 1999).
2 A. Dijksterhuis et al. «Predicting soccer matches after unconscious and conscious thought as a function of expertise», Psychological Science, online publication from October 8, 2009.