9 steps to forgive yourself

Quarrels, misunderstandings and resentment happen to everyone. It happens that because of fatigue, we take out our anger on loved ones. Or, on emotions, we say something that in a normal state would never be said. And sometimes we are completely guilty only because our words were misunderstood.

One way or another, imperfection is inherent in any person, and we do not need to be ashamed of this. On the contrary, you should learn from your mistakes and do everything to forgive yourself for them. Otherwise, this negative experience will be a heavy burden on the heart and pull other problems with it.

1. Recognize and embrace your «dark side»

Perhaps you don’t like how this part of your «I» looks. You do not want to admit that you have difficulty controlling your anger and aggression. Or the fact that you lead an unhealthy lifestyle or hate your job. But having accepted it, you will accept yourself entirely — with all the advantages, disadvantages and ambiguous features. And do not underestimate your human dignity, but, on the contrary, you will become a unique person.

2. Be honest with yourself

By accepting your dark side, you become truly honest with yourself. You can rejoice in both your own strengths and weaknesses, rejoice in the humanity that makes you such a unique person. And you can also admit that you are not always able to meet your own and other people’s expectations. This awareness and closeness to natural human experiences will help you forgive yourself.

3. Learn from mistakes

As we said, mistakes are most often useful: they provide new experience and new tools that may come in handy in the future. If you look at them from this angle, will your attitude to what happened change? At the same time, think about what else you could do. What could influence your behavior at that moment? How would this change the situation?

4. Ask for forgiveness from those who have been hurt

Forgiveness requires sincere repentance, so you need to ask for it only for what you are really guilty of. You should not apologize to please someone: the fact that a person is dissatisfied with something does not mean at all that you are to blame. Don’t forget to show your regret visually, such as showing changes or sharing your thoughts. So people will understand that you are apologizing from the bottom of your heart.

5. Remember your good deeds

Man cannot be divided into good and bad parts. Each of us is a whole world of emotions, sensations, thoughts and spiritual experiences. Therefore, while we encourage you to embrace your “dark side,” it is equally important that you remember all your good deeds. Feel them and rejoice in the energy of kindness! And don’t think that the little good things you do every day don’t matter. It’s the little things like this that make the world a better place.

6. Find rituals to help you forgive yourself.

Rituals help us come to terms with our nature: for example, in Christianity, the sacrament allows believers to recognize their imperfection, but reminds them that God loves them anyway. Such ceremonies, which give meaning to life’s successes and failures, are exactly what is lacking in the modern world, where many are far from religions.

But you can come up with your own, not necessarily complex. A good option is a daily family dinner, during which everyone shares the events of the past day. Such joint meals (with friends, colleagues, relatives) help to feel like a part of something bigger.

7. Befriend yourself

There are many tools to help you accept and understand yourself at the level of body, heart and mind. Someone uses diaries with questions, others keep notes and share their thoughts about the past day in them. Try to find what is right for you.

8. Take care of your body

Try to evaluate your lifestyle. Do you eat healthy food? Are you physically active enough? Are you taking care of your mind by giving it a chance to rest? All of these are important components of good health. If there are problems with him, then you will not even get to the thoughts of forgiveness soon.

9. Remember that you are part of something bigger.

The easiest way to achieve this understanding is through a religious community — a church, a temple, a mosque or a synagogue, because they do not allow people to feel alone in their experiences.

If you are not religious, then any actions aimed at rapprochement with people around you will help. You can have lunch with someone you love and tell each other what’s going on in your life. So you will not only help yourself and him, but also feel the connection between you. So, feel that you are not alone.