Contents
- 1. He is interested in you and talks openly about himself.
- 2. He doesn’t keep your relationship a secret.
- 3. He has his own life
- 4. He respects your boundaries and priorities.
- 5. He is independent – to the extent that you are comfortable with.
- 6. He is open about sex.
- 7. He knows how to manage his emotions, especially anger
- 8. You agree on what matters to you.
- 9. He is kind for no reason, without expecting anything in return.
Common values in life, the opportunity to negotiate, discuss problems and even laugh at a joke together – all this makes you closer to each other. We tell you how to understand that you and your partner are exactly on the path.
“One of my clients once admitted at a session that she was terribly tired of information about “alarm bells” that should alert us to the behavior of a potential partner. She’s been pretty burned herself in a previous relationship.
After two years of therapy, she felt ready for something new, but reading popular articles quickly demotivated her. What if the new man is a narcissist? Or emotionally immature? Does he have a dark past or anger management issues? From such “red flags” literally dazzles in the eyes and the head is spinning,” says clinical psychologist Karen Nimmo.
It is perfectly normal to be wary of entering the path of finding a new romantic partner. But in order to reduce the degree of anxiety, the psychologist suggests focusing not on the minuses, but on the pluses – on the features that distinguish a healthy and adequate partner.
It is important to understand: even if you note all these signs in a person, there is no guarantee that everything will work out between you as it should. In addition, none of us can always be the “best version of ourselves”, and in different situations, under the pressure of circumstances, a person can behave differently. And yet, these traits can be relied upon.
1. He is interested in you and talks openly about himself.
Such a person does not avoid answering “uncomfortable” and personal questions, does not remain silent and does not change the subject when you start a conversation about his past. He willingly talks about himself and at the same time is sincerely interested in you – he asks good deep questions. The main thing here is balance: you should not feel that a person is trying to collect as much information about you as possible, including about your weaknesses.
2. He doesn’t keep your relationship a secret.
He is not ashamed of your connection and talks about you to others – where appropriate and when appropriate; introduces you to important people, invites you to meetings with friends and corporate parties. This is one of the signs that he is “serious” with you.
3. He has his own life
And she has her friends and hobbies, and your relationship will not cross out all this at once. He will not immediately begin to rebuild his life “for you”, and this is completely normal.
4. He respects your boundaries and priorities.
This means that he will never seek to control you and what you spend your time on. And he won’t be offended if you suddenly want to be alone or spend time with friends and family.
5. He is independent – to the extent that you are comfortable with.
It is imperative that your needs for freedom and independence and the corresponding expectations of each other coincide. It is normal to expect that the partner will be financially secure and psychologically independent. But at the same time, it is foolish to hope that he will report to you about his every step and write messages every half hour.
6. He is open about sex.
He freely talks about his wishes and needs in bed, and at the same time respects your right to refuse practices that do not suit you.
7. He knows how to manage his emotions, especially anger
Do you want to understand what your new partner is like? Watch how he deals with stress, frustration, frustration, and especially anger. Yes, we all have episodes that we are not too proud of, and many are familiar with mood swings. The question is how we behave in such situations and after them. Are we lashing out at others? Are we making them feel unsafe?
If you have not yet witnessed a critical moment, ask your partner about how he behaved in various difficult situations. And be sure to pay attention to his behavior during disputes – it can say a lot about a person.
8. You agree on what matters to you.
Of course, it’s rare to have a match on all key points — religion, sex, marriage, children, money, where you live, drinking, smoking, watching porn — but it’s still important that you match on most of them. If you really want children, and your partner is against it, you should not expect that one day he will change his mind. And the sooner you discover the difference in views, the better.
9. He is kind for no reason, without expecting anything in return.
He cares about you simply because you are important to him. Just because he wants to make your life easier and brighter. And, of course, you should not just sit and wait for all this from a potential partner – learn to give it all to yourself on your own.