9 rules of a good psychologist

Before engaging in short and even more so in long-term psychotherapy, the client should take care of his own safety. It consists of several parameters. What should both parties agree on “on the shore”?

Psychologist-consultant Irina Bogoraz believes that when working with a client, the most important issues are psychological ethics. Alas, in Russia the work of psychologists is not regulated by law, and for several years there have been discussions about the need to adopt a law on psychological services to the population.

Until such a document is adopted at the state level, each direction of psychology creates its own ethical codes. In some ways they are different, in some ways they are similar.

1. Why do we need a contract

Where does psychotherapy begin? Even for those who have already been in the psychologist’s office, sometimes it becomes a revelation that a contract is concluded between the participants in the process.

“It doesn’t always have to be a written contract, you can agree orally,” says Irina Bogoraz. – But in my experience – and I have been practicing for 9 years – at the first meeting, the client, as a rule, is worried and can forget what they agreed with the specialist. That’s why I prefer a paper contract.

This is not a legal document, it is just a visualization of the agreements, a cheat sheet for the future. You don’t even have to sign it – you can send it by mail.

Then specific parameters are entered into the pre-prepared text that suit both. How much does one session cost, how long does it take for a psychotherapist to notify a client of a price change, how often meetings take place, what are the consequences of being late and missing a meeting, both on the part of the client and the therapist.

“It depends on the particular psychologist: there are those among my colleagues who demand to fully pay for the missed session if the client has not canceled it in a day or a few hours,” Irina explains. Often this is a necessary measure – after all, not every psychologist has his own office and he pays the rent, regardless of the circumstances of the client.

“It is very important to warn about this point and financial nuances in advance. I am surprised by colleagues who say: “Well, you come, and then we will agree.” The price of the first session and the cost of subsequent meetings must be declared before the client has spent his time and arrived. The therapist is obliged to create a safe environment for the client, and the contract – verbal or written – is their basis. It also states whether the psychologist can keep records.

2. “I guarantee confidentiality”

If the client agrees to a written fixation, audio or video recording of the sessions, then the psychotherapist is obliged to store them in a place protected from third parties. At the first request, he is obliged to show the records to the client.

If the client objects to any notes, even in a notebook, the therapist must obey and rely on his own memory.

The consultation should take place in a “safe” space, where there are no strangers, and the therapy process itself should not be interfered with by calls and messages on the phone.

On the one hand, the client can give written consent to this. On the other hand, the client can see his story in the media or social networks, read the comments and experience extremely unpleasant feelings.

“I am against the use of specific examples,” says Irina Bogoraz, “I will come up with a suitable illustration myself if necessary.” But there are cases when the psychotherapist is obliged to break this rule.

“We all exist in the legal field. If a client tells me about a violation of the Criminal Code, I am obliged to report it to the police. Therefore, at the very beginning of our therapy, I must warn that not all information should be given to me, ”Irina shares.

3. When therapy can be denied

In some cases, the therapist may, or even must, refuse to work with a client. “There is such a thing as competence. If, for example, I do not specialize in family therapy or do not have a psychiatric education, I am obliged to abandon it and, if desired, transfer it to a more competent specialist, ”explains the psychologist

Otherwise, the risk of harming him is very high. There are questions on the verge of clinical psychology or even psychiatry that an inexperienced psychologist may not see.

The client should not be shy to ask the psychologist about his education, experience, ask for recommendations from other specialists. It is important to ask competency questions at or before the introduction stage when formulating your request.

Worth checking out, after all. The client has the right to apply to the institution that issued the diploma in psychology and write a complaint to the ethical commission that he was hired by a specialist with unconfirmed competence.

4. Do not touch with your hands!

At the first meeting, it is necessary to clarify in which paradigm the specialist works. “If a client does not tolerate the touch of a stranger, then he does not belong in the office of a body-oriented therapist.

If a psychotherapist says that he works in psychoanalysis, and at the same time allows himself to touch you, this is an alarm signal. In this paradigm, it is forbidden not only to touch, but often even to be in the client’s field of vision during the session,” notes Irina Bogoraz.

And he returns his emotions to the client, sharing his feelings and what he notices, asking questions. But not from the position of an omniscient expert or adviser.

If the psychotherapist wants to share his experience in a similar situation, then he must first find out whether the client is ready to accept and listen to this. Client time – for client stories.

A professional psychologist will never allow himself “hairpins”, evaluative gestures or smirks. Just like condemning, together with the client, his friends, relatives, children, wives and husbands. Neutrality in everything!

5. “Do you keep your tools clean?”

It is important to clarify with the psychotherapist how many hours of therapy he went through (and continues to go through) himself as a client, how many supervisory hours he has on his account (a supervisor is a psychotherapist who helps analyze the work of his colleague). Why is this needed?

“What does a psychotherapist do? He works by himself, by his own personality. The surgeon uses a sterilized instrument in the operation. The beautician makes a manicure with disinfected scissors and nail files.

The more carefully the psychologist takes care of his own “instrument”, the more ideal it will be for the client, reflecting his state and emotions. Then his own neuroses and problems will not “glow” to the client. If I regularly analyze them in personal or group therapy, then I bring personal difficulties not to my office, but to the supervisor,” explains Irina Bogoraz.

“In the Gestalt therapy that I work in, it’s called the ‘field’. Often I notice: if I have some problems, then clients come to me with the same thing. And it is very important that I work on this topic not at the expense of the client and his time. Otherwise, it’s not me for him, but he for me.”

Suppose a psychologist, being in the acute stage of a divorce, accepts a lady in a pre-divorce state. “If the psychotherapist has not worked this out, he can begin to give advice, merge with the client, imagining himself in her place. The psychologist will no longer be independent, neutral and will not see the situation from the outside. He is involved in it.

Professional psychotherapy is an outside position, an opportunity to look from all angles without taking sides. That is why, by the way, in the main psychological paradigms it is forbidden to carry out therapy to acquaintances, relatives and relatives, so as not to create double relationships and “not to phon”.

6. Double relationship: why not?

Different schools have their own requirements for the “psychologist-client” relationship outside the office. A definite taboo is sexual relations. In the main directions, such cases are a sure step towards disqualification and excommunication from psychotherapeutic work.

There are schools where it is even forbidden to be in the same room outside of work: if a psychologist happens to be in the same theater and restaurant as his client, the professional is obliged, without pretending that they are familiar, to leave the hall. Sometimes it is not even allowed to say hello at a chance meeting. It all depends on the professional code of a particular school.

Why does the professional community itself set such rigid limits? “It’s one thing when we meet once a week within the set time, place, environment, rules. Another thing is when suddenly you, my client, borrow money from me and do not return it on time. Or I bring the client by car and drop him off in the wrong place.

The emotion that arises outside the office draws our energy and attention to ourselves, it takes our relationship from the neutral level.

To advance in therapy, it is important to remain in the assigned roles of “therapist” and “client”. And bring your reflections into the office, and not take them out of it, ”says the psychologist.

There is another point related to security. Often for the client, the psychotherapist becomes a significant figure, to which the whole range of feelings is transferred to other significant figures in the client’s life (usually parents). It is difficult for a mother or father to refuse. And the therapist, having this power, can abuse it, sometimes even without knowing it, and injure the client.

Relations with former clients in different paradigms are regulated in their own way. In some, communication outside the office is allowed after six months, in some after three or five years. There are schools where the “quarantine” after therapy should be equal to the time of the therapy itself.”

7. No sudden movements

If during the session an acute topic surfaced that caused a storm of emotions in the client, the psychologist should warn that sudden movements should not be made within 48 hours (or 72, or even two weeks). In such cases, there is a great temptation to “pull out the sword” and go to the offender – whether it is an old mother who has long forgotten about the injuries inflicted on a six-year-old client, or a boss who has been awarded “fair claims.”

“Let the client rage and emotional with me – in the safe space of the office, and not outside it. This is what we are working for. Of course, without assault on me, a psychologist cannot be beaten, ”comments Irina Bogoraz.

8. Does a professional need personal tragedies?

There is a myth that only a psychologist who has experienced the same thing as a client can help. If the client came with a divorce, then the psychologist should also have such experience, if with a loss, then he must have lived grief behind him.

“In order to help a person, it is not necessary to go through his trials,” Irina Bogoraz is convinced. Yes, according to my observations, a psychotherapist who has worked through his personal experience is more effective in therapy.

But this condition is more optional, not mandatory. There are also reverse situations. If the psychologist continues to grieve, he is unlikely to be an ideal mirror for the suffering client.

9. How to know if a psychologist is right for you

When a client comes to a psychotherapist, he must feel trust and security in order to open up and advance as much as possible.

“There are no good and bad specialists in psychotherapy. Except, of course, outright charlatans and pests,” says Irina Bogoraz. – There are psychotherapists who suit us or not. A good psychologist is unlikely to praise himself. Often a good specialist is passed from hand to hand, by word of mouth. This is the best advertisement.

And you definitely cannot expect from a psychologist that he will change your relatives, the world around, return your wife or happiness. Changing yourself and your life is the work of the client. The result depends on how open and ready you are to work – your peace of mind, finding the meaning of life and inner support.