9 Reasons for Losing Desire

1. Long term relationship

Women sometimes lose their sex drive because of the responsibility they feel towards their partner, says clinical psychologist Martha Meana. Household chores, daily worries and habit — all this does not contribute to increased passion.

Allowing yourself to stop worrying, not thinking about your kids or your fitness anymore is a challenge for most women. But it is she who needs to be solved in order to again enjoy kisses and hugs.

And therefore, women need a partner to fully participate in solving all domestic problems. Anything that takes the burden of responsibility off her shoulders helps her feel sexual desire again.

2. Lack of foreplay

Foreplay gives many no less, and sometimes even more pleasure than sex as such. Kissing, stroking, touching, gentle tickling excite and bring pleasure.

“I often hear the same complaint from my patients,” continues Martha Meana, “they say that their man caresses them for one obvious purpose: to enter them.

And they think: «For the whole day he will never kiss me, but as soon as he feels like it, then he is trying with might and main.» Women need that manifestations of tenderness are not interrupted, for her, foreplay begins where the previous orgasm ends.

3. Equal sign between orgasm and pleasure

Many people believe that sex is good if both have reached orgasm or some other obvious result. However, in reality, the pleasure that a couple receives is not limited to the time of intercourse. What does sex mean to you?

“In my experience, women find sex great when they experience desire, not when they get results,” the sexologist admits. “Many of them shy away from any kind of sexual activity because they assume that they will have to make sure they go through with it.”

You may enjoy hugging and kissing, but not want to spend all the energy and excitement on achieving orgasm. For some men, there really is a straight road between kissing and orgasm that you can’t turn off.

But women are sometimes mistaken in thinking that a man wants «everything» every time: sometimes it is enough for men to feel the closeness of a woman, to feel her presence.

This is indeed a nebulous area: when a man hugs and kisses a woman, he may not want anything else, but when his arousal builds up, he does not understand why he should stop.

4. Sex on duty

“How many women tell me: “I have sex because it is expected of me. I do this for my husband. I know he needs it,” says Marta Meana. “And because they are kind and responsible, they no longer understand what they themselves want — and this is the key to desire.”

They are so preoccupied with being good that they are no longer conscious of their desires. When they think about sex, they immediately start thinking about what «he» wants.

And it’s not that a man behaves incorrectly: it’s great when men continue to desire their wives and girlfriends! Now, if this desire disappears, then you should worry.

5. Ignorance of the characteristics of female sexuality

Women’s sexual desire is subjective and vague. The focus on sex and genitals is more of a masculine approach.

“Women are more attracted to what goes on between their ears than what goes on between their legs,” says Marta Meana. “What turns them on the most is being seduced, wanted, charmed, lusted, and made to feel beautiful.”

It is important to remember one more thing: a woman’s desire is unsteady and changeable, it depends more on circumstances — on the weather, time of day, mood. It disappears more easily than in men, however, it is also easier to return it.

6. Physiological causes

Can desire decrease due to a lack of hormones? This assumption makes sense for menopausal women.

It’s not always about female hormones — thyroid hormones can also affect attraction. It might be helpful to get checked out by an endocrinologist.

7. Boredom

Men are often attached to their wives. But they want the woman to want sex as much as they do. However, women lose desire more easily, so they need to feed it with something. “For a woman to want sex, it must be something worthwhile for her,” says sex therapist David Snarch.

Often the reason is not that she does not want any sex at all, but that she is not attracted to the kind of sex that she can count on. In this case, the couple may need to see a specialist who can help improve their sexual relationship.

8. Security

A woman sees in herself a mother, a wife, a keeper of the hearth. None of these roles are associated with sexuality. For many centuries, the satisfaction of desire was outlawed and required secrecy and dexterity.

Many women have absorbed this attitude towards eroticism. Therefore, to awaken desire, the right direction is away from home comfort to erotic adventures.

9. Low self-esteem

Nothing turns a man on more than an excited woman. And nothing excites a woman more than the feeling that she excites a man. However, his readiness for sex will not give anything if the woman is at odds with herself.

A man tells a woman that she is gorgeous, but she does not believe him: «He just wants sex, and I just happened to be nearby.» Her self-esteem is more important than anything he can tell her.

“Women have three motivations for sex,” says sexologist Rosemary Basson, “excitement, desire, and willingness. A woman can be psychologically infatuated and physically aroused, but not feel desire.

It can be aroused in the absence of a mental and emotional component. And at other times, she may have desire, but not yet be physically aroused: she likes the thought of sex, but her body still does not feel anything.

Willingness is openness and curiosity about what will happen if she allows herself to go with the flow. Maybe she’s not in the mood yet, but she’s ready to see if that changes.»