Contents
- 1. “I know it’s late, but we need to talk”
- 2. “You look like a teenager in shorts. Would you like to change?”
- 3. “It would be better if you gave a postcard”
- 4. “My ex would never do that”
- 5. “I can’t stand it when you leave dishes in the sink”
- 6. “All you want is sex”
- 7. “You never…”
- 8. “Yes, but…”
- 9. “Remember how you did something wrong”
No matter how different couples are, the reasons for quarrels and ways of expressing dissatisfaction are about the same for everyone. Psychologists talk about phrases that offend men. However, women are unlikely to like such messages.
If the partner didn’t wash the dishes, left a mess, didn’t guess right with the gift, or doesn’t pay enough attention, I want to tell him everything. But if the relationship is dear to you, you should not resort to criticism of this kind.
1. “I know it’s late, but we need to talk”
“When you want to discuss something, put it off until morning. Conversations are more productive when both partners are rested and ready to talk. In the old series, they loved such scenes when the wife demands to talk, and the husband wants to sleep. Nowadays, the problem has become epidemic, ”writes psychotherapist Elizabeth Lamotte.
2. “You look like a teenager in shorts. Would you like to change?”
Do you dislike it when your partner makes snide comments about your hair or a baggy T-shirt? He probably reacts the same way when you glance sideways at his pants with knee pockets.
Why did you decide that you could set the standard in clothing?
“The phrase ‘You have to’ will make him feel like you’re trying to control him,” explains psychotherapist Susan Heitler.
3. “It would be better if you gave a postcard”
The partner was sure that the expensive handbag, which the seller persuaded to take, demonstrates generosity and care. “Thank you, even if you are not so happy about the gift. Men want to look like winners and are disappointed when their efforts are not appreciated, ”advises psychotherapist Gary Neiman.
So it’s better to express your gratitude, and then mention which gift option might be more suitable for you.
4. “My ex would never do that”
“Comparing your husband to exes or show characters will cause him to question whether you love him,” says psychotherapist Kurt Smith.
5. “I can’t stand it when you leave dishes in the sink”
Neither men nor women like to hear unconstructive criticism. “Instead of criticizing, say that you will be very grateful if he does something that seems right to you.
“I really appreciate it when you…” The more you show your appreciation, the more often you will get what you need,” explains psychotherapist Tammy Nelson, author of The New Monogamy.
6. “All you want is sex”
“Yes, this is an important part of life, but if you assume that a partner does something for you just for the sake of sex, you insult him with this. Of course, men want sex and enjoy it.
But they can’t stand being suspected of selfish motives.
And even if these suspicions turn out to be true in this particular case, this does not mean that sex is the only reason why they are ready to do something, ”says Gary Neiman.
7. “You never…”
Throwing accusations like “you always” or “you never” are a bad idea, cut them out of your vocabulary. Focus on what’s happening now, don’t over-generalize, advises Tammy Nelson.
8. “Yes, but…”
“If you agree with something, and then add “yes, but …”, then you seem to cross out everything that was said before. Nobody likes to have their words snubbed,” says Susan Heitler.
9. “Remember how you did something wrong”
Perhaps at one time your partner forgot to wish you a happy birthday or scheduled a meeting with friends on the weekend that you were supposed to spend with your parents.
“Whatever the misconduct or mistake was, if you have already forgiven your husband, take care of your relationship and leave the oversight in the past. Many men feel that they are constantly haunted by the past, because their wives do not forget a single mistake made earlier.
And every time they do something wrong, they are reminded of all past misdeeds.
If a man understands that his wife does not appreciate everything that he does well and correctly, then over time he simply stops listening to her, ”explains Kurt Smith.
Eliminate such phrases from your vocabulary overnight will not work. To begin with, try to catch yourself on them and gradually replace them with softer and more respectful ones. It’s easy if the relationship is worth it.