9 features of a new partner that should alert you

1. He talks too much about marriage.

In an interview ten years ago, actor Chris Pratt said that immediately after meeting his (now ex) wife, he realized that he wanted to marry her. “I didn’t immediately dare to admit it, because asking for a hand and heart on the first day of meeting is madness. But I really could! he recalled.

“Such confidence does not promise a strong relationship,” explains Liet Sadler, a family law specialist from San Francisco. – Often the point is that much in a person seems familiar and familiar, which means that old patterns of behavior are activated, old desires and problems emerge. If you want to find a partner who brings out your best in a relationship, it may be worth avoiding those who seem familiar. Uncertainty and doubts about a new partner at the beginning of an acquaintance are quite normal.

2. He exaggerates his dignity in a profile on a dating site

“Many people tend to embellish their image a little to show themselves in a favorable light,” says Karen Covey, an attorney and divorce consultant from Chicago. – But if the profile on the site has almost nothing to do with a real person, run. If a relationship begins with deceit, it is difficult to expect honesty in the future.

3. Talking about past relationships makes you feel like a victim.

“If he (a) calls his exes psychotic or hysterical, this is a evasion of responsibility for his role in the relationship. Most likely, the same will be in your couple, says Morgan Richardson, a divorce lawyer from New York. Relationships require effort from both. Someone who refuses to admit mistakes is unlikely to make that effort, and it’s up to you to save the relationship.”

4. Doesn’t feel physical attraction

“If you don’t lose your head with passion and desire at the beginning of a relationship, this does not mean that they have no future,” explains Liet Sadler. – At the beginning of an acquaintance, partners often feel awkward. But if there is no desire for intimacy even at the beginning of a relationship, it is unlikely to appear in the future. It’s not scary if sex for both partners is not the main thing. For some, communication, spending time together and mutual support are more important. And with a “boring” intimate life, you can give birth to children and subsequently part with friends – after all, the basis of such an alliance was friendship before. But in many couples, the lack of physical intimacy and attraction leads to infidelity that destroys the marriage.”

5. Divorced several times

“Unfortunately, many of us have regular clients,” says Randall Kessler, an Atlanta-based divorce attorney. – Those who quickly decide to marry or get married just as quickly then get divorced. Some people just need to be married to feel “normal”.

6. Hints at an unstable financial situation

“If the financial situation of a partner is completely incomprehensible, this is an occasion to think,” says Morgan Richardson. – For example, at first he invites you to restaurants and fills you with gifts, and then complains that he was turned off the electricity for non-payment. Or she is still waiting for the financial situation to improve and allow her to deal with the consequences of past unsuccessful decisions. What will happen when you start a family? Are you ready for the entire financial burden to fall on you, especially when you have children? One client did nothing but try to cover her husband’s extra expenses. She unsuccessfully tried to put at least some restrictions on him, which led to mutual insults, scandals due to debts and divorce.

7. Formally married

“If he (a) did not warn (a) you that he is married, or told (a) about this only on the second or third date, this is a warning sign,” recalls Randall Kessler. – They can say that they have not lived together for a long time, that the marriage remained only on paper. At a minimum, this means that there will be a divorce, complicated by mutual grievances, because of which it is not possible to agree amicably. In the worst case, such a person is lying and does not even plan to get a divorce.”

8. Abuses alcohol

“There is nothing wrong with a glass of wine at dinner. But if a partner orders one drink (especially strong) after another on every date, this is a warning sign, warns Karen Covey. “It doesn’t matter that the person doesn’t seem to get drunk. In the first stage of alcoholism, the body’s resistance to alcohol increases, so if a person drinks a lot and does not get drunk, this may be a sign of an incipient addiction.

9. Wants to spend time together

“Be on the lookout if a new partner wants everything at once,” advises Liet Sadler. – He or she may convince you that you are already very close, although you just met. When you spend every minute together, it can seem like a sign of a passionate romance. You seem to merge together, this is a wonderful feeling if it occurs only at special moments. But when it is present all the time, it is a dangerous sign. Things can even come to violence, when one of the partners begins to lack personal space and tries to move away. If a person literally cannot live without a relationship, they should take a break in search of love in order to first increase their self-esteem and self-confidence.