Stress is inevitable, but you can learn how to deal with it in healthy ways and not let it affect your life. Psychologist-consultant Christine Hammond uses a real-life example to show what steps help overcome constant fatigue and tension.
It wasn’t until Martha saw her therapist that she realized how much stress was affecting her life. As a leader, she was used to a certain workload. But some time ago, she lost her ability to make decisions, began to feel depressed, suffered from headaches and indigestion. She began to break down on colleagues and relatives, could not sleep, did not know how to relax.
Not identifying a specific disease, the family doctor referred her to a psychotherapist. The session revealed that Martha’s story is an accumulation of «layered» stress. She was raised by an abusive alcoholic. In college, the girl survived sexual abuse. Martha’s first husband was also an abuser. Trying to hide from emotional pain, the woman sent all her strength to work.
Marta quickly achieved success, but the abuse and violence she had to deal with led to chronic stress. Instead of dealing with the pain, Martha tried to brush it off and ignore it. As a result, suppression led to an explosion.
Her behavior became inconsistent, provoking conflict with friends and family members. They turned their backs on her instead of helping her. Marta understood that something needed to be changed, but she did not know where to start. In the end, she decided to act like this:
1. Turned to a psychotherapist
He compiled a list of traumas, separated past events from present experiences, identified areas for Martha to work on, and provided a safe place to talk and let off steam. Weekly conversations with a psychotherapist changed her life. In a new, safe haven, she received sympathy and understanding.
2. Healed from injuries
At first, Martha did not understand how the relationship with the abusers and violence affect her life today. She mistakenly believed that by avoiding abuse in the present, she was protecting herself from the painful experience of the past. She needed work on her injuries. Writing practices and the ability to let go and forgive were essential to moving forward.
3. I began to sleep more and soundly
Martha suffered from insomnia, sleeping no more than 4 hours almost every night. To restore normality, she turned off all electronic devices an hour before bedtime and took natural supplements recommended by an expert to help her sleep. It took her a week to overcome her insomnia and train herself to sleep 7 hours a day.
4. Learned to rest
At work, Martha had to constantly make important decisions. But by the end of the day she was too tired. Helped to cope with the problem lunch breaks. Martha began leaving the office for an hour to sit in silence and eat.
5. Started meditating
To cope with her emotions, Martha began to meditate. I imagined myself on the beach, relaxing and concentrating on my breathing. These mini-meditations helped her to understand what she was feeling, to accept herself.
6. Admit your addictions
Martha found herself unable to overcome her cravings for chocolate, sweets, chips, caffeine, and bread, and realized that she was drinking too much. By treating her addictions as addictions, she was able to change her habits.
7. Started taking vitamins
Due to malnutrition, her body lacked the vitamins and minerals needed to recover from stress. She visited a nutritionist and started taking vitamins and healthy supplements designed to keep her healthy.
8. Picked up the right physical activity
One of the best ways to deal with stress is through exercise. But if the exercises are chosen incorrectly, they will not help. Martha found that walking and yoga were much more effective in managing stress than hitting the gym.
9. Went for a massage
Marta included regular massages in her plan. It helped relieve muscle tension.
Several months have passed. Martha continued to complete all 9 points of her anti-stress program and finally felt the change. Relations with friends and family improved, the workload no longer weighed on her. “Now she is sure that it doesn’t take much to deal with stress — take lunch breaks, meditate, take care of herself and go to a therapist,” sums up Christine Hammond.
About the Expert: Kristin Hammond is a counseling psychologist, family conflict expert, and author of The Exhausted Woman’s Handbook (Xulon Press, 2014).