Contents
- 1. Accept that all people make mistakes.
- 2. Benefit from self-loathing
- 3. Track internal monologues
- 4. Understand what causes negative thoughts
- 5. Realize the connection of thoughts, feelings and behavior
- 6. Focus on gratitude
- 7. Think: “Who am I and what do I want to be?”
- 8. Sincerely apologize and forgive yourself
Is it worth it to engage in self-flagellation for a long time, having made a mistake and hurting someone? How to turn what happened into a valuable experience, stop torturing yourself and move on, to better times and events?
Oh, horror, we have done something terrible! It affected us and the people we love. “You are just a monster,” the inner voice assures. The feeling of guilt and self-hatred is so great that it is impossible to think of anything else. Feeling like real villains, not deserving of love and happiness, we get stuck in a situation and this only complicates it.
Memories of wrongdoing generate negative thoughts and feelings, lower self-esteem, which in turn exacerbates stress and can lead to depression. Relationships break down because we don’t believe we deserve love and forgiveness, and that disbelief builds insurmountable walls, destroying intimacy with the people we love. Career, health, psyche, state of mind suffer from daily self-abasement.
We all make mistakes, but too much regret can destroy us. How to overcome them? A few ways to deal with the feelings that overwhelm us and move on.
1. Accept that all people make mistakes.
We all make mistakes, big and small, from time to time. Regret shows that we care and that we have a conscience, which is a very good thing. However, prolonged self-flagellation is harmful. Why not come up with your own mantra for such a case? For example: “I am human and I can make mistakes. And yet I can love and be loved.”
2. Benefit from self-loathing
If endless regrets do not improve the situation, they should be discarded. What can replace them? For example, you might think what do we really want: happiness, love, acceptance, a sense of belonging, generosity, gratitude, success? This is what you need to focus on instead of endlessly scrolling in your head about what happened in the past.
3. Track internal monologues
Usually, negative thoughts “itch” on the machine, we “chew” the same thing for the hundredth time, but we don’t even realize it. You need to track them down, slow them down, listen to your inner monologue. You don’t have to take all negative thoughts for granted. Sometimes the truth is not close, but directly opposite.
The words “What an idiot! I shouldn’t have done this” is embarrassing. And the thought “I could act differently. Next time I will take it into account and try to go the other way” opens up opportunities and prospects for a better future.
4. Understand what causes negative thoughts
By paying attention to ourselves, we can understand what acts as triggers for us: people, situations, memories – and prepare a mantra in advance to help ourselves to stay strong when faced with them. Deep breathing practices, positive visualizations, or just taking time out to gather strength also help. Often we give up our power simply by thinking we don’t have it.
5. Realize the connection of thoughts, feelings and behavior
Buddha, Mahatma Gandhi, Lao Tzu, William Shakespeare, Albert Einstein, and Steve Jobs recognized the power of thought. By agreeing with them, we can recognize that feelings, motives and behavior are determined by the way of thinking. And it is much better for thoughts to work for us, and not against.
6. Focus on gratitude
Common and effective practice. You can keep a diary and enter three things into it every day – for which we are grateful today. You need to spend more time thinking about the good than digging into the bad. Gradually, a shift will be noticeable, we will feel calmer, freer and happier.
7. Think: “Who am I and what do I want to be?”
We need to recognize our positive qualities, pause and try to understand how we got to where we are now. What attracts people to us? What makes us funny, loving, reliable, smart, interesting, and generally attractive? It is important to remember our value, our merits and cherish what makes us special.
8. Sincerely apologize and forgive yourself
Regret and guilt keep us trapped in negative thoughts and emotions. Why not allow yourself the freedom to admit your shortcomings, the right to make mistakes and act unwisely. Sincerely apologize to the victims and believe that in the future we will become stronger and wiser.
“Mistakes are portals of discovery,” wrote James Joyce. It is impossible to live life without them. But mistakes are also opportunities for growth, development, and change. By acknowledging our “imperfection,” we can let go of the past and start over. Focus on the future and try to create it the way you want.