8 Ways to Improve Communication Skills

Previously, to be a good conversationalist, you had to talk only about the weather and health. But now these topics have become dangerous: if you come across a person who holds a different point of view on climate change or, say, vaccinations, it is possible that the conversation will turn into fist-waving.

Our society has never been as polarized and divided as it is now. We cannot agree on anything, we hardly listen to each other – and as a result we act like a swan, cancer and pike. We send about 100 messages a day on social networks and instant messengers, but at the same time it is difficult for us to maintain a conversation in person.

Is it possible to “pump” communication skills? Undoubtedly. But only recommendations like “look into the eyes of the interlocutor”, “nod and smile” will not help here. What’s the point of pretending to be an active listener if the conversation really engages you? So…

1. The main advice – try to get carried away with the conversation. Be with the interlocutor “here and now” and do not try to do something else at the same time. Don’t fiddle with your phone, don’t yell at the kids to take the cat out of the tree, don’t think about arguing with your husband, don’t try to remember what you haven’t done today. If you don’t like the conversation and you want it to end quickly, end it yourself. Get up and leave (or hang up). As you wish, but it is impossible to be present in it halfway.

2. Don’t be smart. Know-it-alls are predictable and therefore uninteresting. If you don’t give a damn about the arguments of the interlocutor and just want to speak out, become a columnist or blogger. As TV presenter and science evangelist Bill Nye says, “everyone you meet along the way knows something you don’t.” Therefore, it deserves to be listened to with interest.

3. Ask questions that begin with “what”, “where”, “when” and “how”, instead of those that involve simple yes or no answers. Let the interlocutor open up, tell where he was, what he felt and why this is so important to him.

4. Be honest. If you don’t know something, say so. After all, if the truth is revealed, you will find yourself in an uncomfortable position.

5. Do not draw parallels with your life. The interlocutor bitterly reports the death of your grandmother – and you immediately begin to remember how you buried your own, how hard it was for you, how you cried and grieved … You should not do this. Each person’s experience is unique. By telling your story, even if it seems similar to you, you are not comforting the interlocutor, but devaluing his experience. This is not about you at all!

6. Don’t repeat yourself. When talking with children or subordinates, we often repeat the same thing, albeit in different words. We think that this is how it will be remembered better. But in reality it sounds condescending – and very tiring.

7. Lower the parts. For your interlocutor, it doesn’t matter at all what year something happened, what you were wearing and what the weather was like. Everything that you are trying to convulsively remember can be omitted. In the whole story, only you are interesting – your experience, emotions and what you and your interlocutor may have in common.

8. Listen! To paraphrase the words of the Buddha, “nothing can be learned with an open mouth.” Listening is one of the most important skills. But why don’t we listen to each other then? Because when we talk, we “steer”, we find ourselves in the spotlight, and this increases our self-esteem. When we listen, it seems that the main thing in the conversation is not us, but our interlocutor … But, believe me, it is the listener, and not the speaker, who wins in the end. He understands the interlocutor better and can predict the situation. It is he, and not the speaker, who evokes sympathy.

If you put all these tips in one, you get “be considerate of others.” Show tact, respect, empathy. Listen to the interlocutors, try to understand what they want to hear from you. And most importantly, be prepared to be surprised.