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Starting a new relationship is always scary. We are pressured by the opinions of others and the experience of past relationships. And advice from the Internet is frightening with its inconsistency and categoricalness. Here are 8 popular myths about harmonious relationships.
The chosen one does not like grandfather or mother? Do you prefer to spend your Friday night in a nightclub and your partner in front of the TV? You are a master of sports in gymnastics, and your boyfriend has never played sports, and it seems to you that these problems interfere with your happiness. In fact, there are no ideal or identical relationships, and popular psychologists are not always right in their instructions. Here are eight things that do not in themselves prevent the creation of a harmonious union.
1. You have different interests
It’s great if you both support Spartak and dream of spending your vacation in a canoe trip. However, this is not at all necessary.
“Similar interests cannot keep people together. More importantly, if partners share the values associated with money and children, says family consultant Chelly Pumphrey, “a common hobby is something like decoration on a cake, and relationships are much more complex and deeper.”
2. You and your partner don’t look alike.
You do not believe in your relationship, despite the passionate love. You are a natural blonde and your partner is a brunette. You wear long dresses with frills, and your lover wears a leather jacket, you wince at the word “piercing”, and the guy has an earring in his nose and tattoos all over his body.
Laurel Steinberg, a sexologist at Columbia University in New York, believes that it is enough for partners to consider each other attractive. Firstly, the appearance can change over the years, and secondly, the appearance does not always reflect the inner world of a person. The “bad guy” can be kind, while the “princess” can be rude and calculating.
3. You have a different level of education
If you are not bored with each other, a diploma is not important. You may not find common topics to talk with a Harvard graduate, even if you yourself graduated from Oxford.
“You limit yourself a lot if you only date people in your circle. It only says that you are a snob,” says psychologist Antonio Borrello. Steve Jobs, Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg have incomplete higher education.
4. There is no former attraction between you
Everyone dreams that the relationship remains the same as in the first months of dating. However, over time, sexual desire decreases. Long-term couples can have vibrant, sensual relationships if both partners work on creating a romantic atmosphere and come up with something new, says psychotherapist Jeannie Ingram.
5. You often argue
Happy couples only exist in fairy tales. Psychotherapist Zach Brittle assures that healthy relationships are impossible without disputes, but harmonious couples are able to negotiate: “Happy couples argue often enough, but strive to de-escalate the conflict and restore relationships.”
6. Partner doesn’t like to have fun
“Many clients complain about their partner’s unwillingness to make life brighter,” says psychotherapist Becky Whetstone, “and I never tire of repeating that a partner is not obliged to entertain them.”
7. Your family and friends don’t like him.
Linda Lipschutz, a family therapist, advises not to attach too much importance to the opinions of others. If you’re happy, it doesn’t matter if your friend thinks your lover is boring.
8. You have an unstable financial situation
Financial problems and different views on spending and saving, of course, interfere with harmonious relationships. At the same time, financial stability does not guarantee harmony in relationships.
Psychotherapist Elizabeth Jay LaMotte has experienced this phenomenon: couples who seek financial stability often lose real relationships. LaMott says she often hears, “We’ve completed the house and saved up for college, and now we have nothing to talk about.”