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Many of us feel disconnected from the world at least once in a while, and psychologists are no exception. Here is how they, and coaches and others in the helping professions, support themselves in such situations.
1. Admit their feelings
Loneliness, like most feelings and conditions, cannot be dealt with in an ecological way without acknowledging it. “For me, loneliness is a signal that it’s time to recognize your own vulnerability and ask for help,” says coach Nicole Villegas. “Just naming our feelings is the first step in dealing with what is bothering us.”
2. Looking for communication
“When I am sad and lonely, I write to close friends in the messenger. And if possible, I meet with them in person, says family therapist and marriage counselor Monica Odali. — It helps me a lot to switch from my feelings and experiences to others. In addition, it is really interesting and important for me to find out how people close to me feel and how I can support them.
“You don’t have to only hang out with people you already know,” adds social worker Angela Amias. Don’t miss the opportunity to meet new people. Let it be a very short conversation — it may well turn out to be healing. There is even a study showing that talking to strangers improves your mood for the rest of the day. So be friendly and open — both with the cashier at the convenience store, and with those who are standing with you in line for coffee.
3. Put their feelings on paper.
Amias also says that for her, feeling alone is often a sign that she has lost touch with herself. And she uses journaling as an antidote. “I pour myself a cup of coffee, pick up my favorite pen, slow down, listen to myself — and it works!”
4. Go outside for at least a few minutes
In addition, Amias and her colleagues remind how healing being in nature can be. Even if the weather is not conducive to long walks, it is useful to leave the house at least for a while, breathe in fresh air, change the picture — this is almost guaranteed to improve your mood.
5. Do a short mental exercise
Feeling disconnected from people and the world, psychotherapist Keith Eck usually performs a simple mindfulness practice. “I think about all those people who are right now in my neighborhood — in my neighborhood, in my city. Then I go a little further and think about all the people in my country, then on the continent and finally in the world. I think of all of them — living, breathing, full of hopes, fears and aspirations. About the fact that they, like me, love someone and have lost something.
According to Ek, the purpose of this exercise is to remind yourself of the millions of people who are experiencing the same thing as she is right now. It helps her feel less alone.
6. Looking for the origins of their feelings
“Loneliness is an important experience, and it is equally important to understand its causes,” says social educator Danita Morales Ramos. “They, these reasons, can lie both in the present and in the past and even in the future. Personally, I always ask myself what caused my feeling of loneliness and isolation from everyone, and then decide what I can do about the root cause. By changing something in your present, sometimes you can change your attitude to the experience of the past. If my condition is caused by anxiety about the future, I try to “ground myself” and return myself to the “here and now” state.
7. Learn new things
For psychotherapist Jason Drake, a favorite method of dealing with loneliness is to occupy your brain with something new and interesting. “During the pandemic, like many others, I moved my practice completely online and realized that it would be a good idea to optimize my website. I found an expert, arranged for private lessons and 12 weeks in a row I learned new knowledge, putting it into practice. As a result, my mind was constantly busy, the site became more and more convenient. And there was simply no time to think that you have to endure the lockdown alone.”
8. Pay attention to the tone of internal dialogues.
“We tend to think more about the bad than the good, it’s our nature, otherwise we simply wouldn’t have survived,” adds Drake. “But because of this, we tend to see our own lives in a bleak light. When we are lonely, it seems that it will always be so. At these moments, it is especially important to remind ourselves that this is not so, that close, supportive and understanding people were and will definitely be next to us.
Well, the advice is simple and practical. What helps you deal with feelings of loneliness?