We all have qualities we shouldn’t be proud of. However, real narcissists do not understand at all – and do not want to understand – how their behavior affects loved ones. What habits and traits are we talking about?
It seems that the word “narcissist” has suffered the same fate as the term “depression”: some use it in place and out of place, others neglect it, consider it a “feed to fashion.” Therefore, it is so important to start to understand what narcissistic personality disorder really is.
Mayo Clinic, one of the largest private medical and research centers in the world, defines it as “a mental disorder in which a person demonstrates an excessive sense of self-importance, an acute need for admiration and a sense of superiority over others.” Such people do not care at all about what others experience when they are around them. Importantly, under this mask of self-confidence lies low self-esteem and increased vulnerability.
How to understand that your partner is a real narcissist?
1. He is insensitive to your needs.
At first, such a person may seem charming and very persuasive. He knows how to flirt, impress, create a romantic atmosphere. It is very easy to fall under the influence of a narcissist and start doing only what he wants. However, you may soon find yourself playing exclusively by his rules.
He may begin to ignore your needs, criticize, show signs of insecurity. Another significant sign is that the narcissist does not know how to listen and tends to switch the focus of attention to himself in any conversation, interrupts and generally does not respect your thoughts, feelings and needs too much.
2. He flirts with others
A clear sign that your lover may be a narcissist is his open flirting with other women, even during your dates. Why is he doing this? The reasons may be different: either because of his own immaturity, he sincerely does not understand that this is a manifestation of disrespect for you, or he simply does not care about your feelings. And if you are in an exclusive relationship with him, this undermines their very foundation – trust and respect.
3. Boasts of victories “on the love front”
You should also be especially wary if your partner brags about his previous romantic victories, constantly talks about the signs of attention from others, or retells intimate details of your life together to friends.
Winning the favor, approval and admiration of others is more important to him than being caring and sensitive towards you.
4. Uses you like a trophy
The narcissist does everything to impress others, whether with his achievements, status, money, the things he has, or the person he meets. So he, as mentioned earlier, is trying to disguise his fragile and vulnerable “I”, and win universal love and admiration.
5. Uses you as an emotional “substitute”
After a particularly painful breakup or divorce, the narcissist, instead of giving himself time to grieve, mourn the loss and sort out his feelings, seeks to quickly find a new partner as a “replacement” for the previous one. This means that he is not driven by love and interest in you, but by the desire to avoid pain and loneliness. And, perhaps, when the narcissist finally recovers, the need for you will disappear.
6. He only wants sex from you.
How to understand that there is only sex between you? By the way your partner treats you the rest of the time, outside of the bedroom. Once their needs are satisfied, the narcissist can disappear immediately, either physically or emotionally, leaving you hung up, alone, and bewildered.
Yes, you made love, but was there real love in this process? ..
7. Systematically humiliates others
To maintain a façade of superiority and hide their own vulnerability, narcissists constantly hurt, criticize, belittle, and devalue others. In a romantic relationship, they can play on the partner’s guilt, shame him and ridicule him harshly, thus reinforcing their dominance in the couple.
8. Not ready to take on serious commitments
If you have been dating for quite some time, and your partner avoids talking about life together and even more so about marriage, this is a reason to be wary. At best, a person is not mature enough and rather selfish, at worst, he is in anticipation of other romantic options and prospects. In any case, he is satisfied with the status quo: and you are “at hand”, and no responsibility.
If your partner has all of the traits listed above, or at least some of them, there is a high probability that he is really a narcissist – which means that your self-esteem and mental health are at risk. Fortunately, there is a wealth of information on what to do next, how to terminate such relationships at maximum risk to yourself, or, if you decide to stay together, learn to defend your personal boundaries.