Contents
- 1. You expect your partner to always listen when you need to talk, but don’t respond in kind.
- 2. Instead of discussing unpleasant topics like adults, you are silent.
- 3. There are always two points of view for you: yours and the wrong one.
- 4. You regularly accuse your partner of being selfish.
- 5. You get annoyed if he makes plans that don’t include you.
- 6. You are too critical of his friends and family.
- 7. You ignore your partner’s needs.
- 8. If you can’t get your way, threaten to end the relationship.
We all sometimes put our own interests above the desires and needs of others, including those we love. But if we think only about ourselves all the time, act infantile, forgetting about our partner, this becomes a problem for the development of relationships.
Take a break from yourself for a second and think: do you often ask your partner how he would like to spend the weekend, or do you decide everything yourself, without being interested in his desires? When disagreements arise, are you ready to listen to his point of view or just speak without letting a word be inserted? If this sounds familiar, you may not realize that you are treating your partner unfairly. Experts name eight signs of selfish behavior in a relationship.
1. You expect your partner to always listen when you need to talk, but don’t respond in kind.
One of the main reasons we seek close relationships is because we want to share our problems and worries with someone. We need someone who will always be by our side. The feeling that we are understood and accepted is an emotional closeness. If your partner is trying to talk about problems, and you make it clear that you are bored or reluctant to listen, you thereby slam the door in your face. Even if a loved one does not become indignant, for sure he will be lonely in a relationship.
2. Instead of discussing unpleasant topics like adults, you are silent.
If you are offended or he hurt you, and you are silent, then this is selfish behavior. In any relationship, unpleasant conversations are inevitable. By refusing to discuss problems, you create stress for your partner.
3. There are always two points of view for you: yours and the wrong one.
This is a warning sign that betrays an egoist. If you never even consider points of view that are different from yours, then by doing so you seem to be telling a loved one that the relationship is needed only to meet your needs, and you care little about his needs. If so, then you can hardly be called a partner.
4. You regularly accuse your partner of being selfish.
We are especially annoyed in others by those qualities that we do not like in ourselves. Often we blame our partner because they refuse to indulge our selfishness.
5. You get annoyed if he makes plans that don’t include you.
No need to try to become Siamese twins. It is normal for everyone to have their own interests and maintain a balance between personal time and time spent together. It is selfish to blame your partner for being a separate person from you.
6. You are too critical of his friends and family.
Sometimes you can meet couples in which one refuses to communicate with the other’s friends or speaks of them with disdain, criticizes. This creates an unhealthy imbalance, as one person decides who is «ours» and who is «alien». In addition, it looks very arrogant if someone starts to judge whose friends are worthy and whose friends are not.
7. You ignore your partner’s needs.
In a healthy relationship, we must understand what brings our partner joy, and at least sometimes indulge his desires. Of course, a balance is needed: the meaning of life is not to serve and please a partner, but we cannot be indifferent to his needs, needs and desires. When we see that a loved one tries to please us all the time (even if this does not always work out), this strengthens the relationship.
8. If you can’t get your way, threaten to end the relationship.
In the happiest couples, situations are inevitable in which one of the partners does not get what they want. If you threaten to leave, how can your partner trust that you will ever respect their needs as well? If you love this person, then you will never hurt him, scaring him with the fact that you will leave him just because you failed to achieve your goal.
About the experts: Marni Feuerman, Gary Brown, Emmy Begel — family therapists, Stephen Stosny — psychologist.