Contents
- 1. You often think about your partner in his absence.
- 2. You rejoice at the good news in each other’s lives.
- 3. You both have friends
- 4. The same jokes make you laugh
- 5. You share household chores equally.
- 6. You love to get new experiences together
- 7. Living together is not like a roller coaster.
- 8. You know how to put up
In the heat of a quarrel, it may seem that your marriage is a mistake and nothing binds you anymore. But you are still together and understand that you love each other. And it happens that a union that seems to be an idyll breaks up because of a trifle. How do you know how strong a relationship is?
Psychologists often wonder about the deep foundations of a successful marriage. There can be a lot of elements of stability, and this does not necessarily mean regular candlelight dinners or the absence of disputes and quarrels. Here are some of the components of a successful union:
1. You often think about your partner in his absence.
The more often we dream about a partner when he is not next to us, the more we are in love with him, – found out American psychologists from Stony Brook University, who interviewed 300 married couples. This is especially true for men in love: they especially miss their life partners and are waiting for their return.
2. You rejoice at the good news in each other’s lives.
How was the last time you reacted to a positive change in your partner’s life? The more enthusiastic you were at the same time, the brighter the prospects for your relationship for the next few months.
The so-called active-constructive reaction to a promotion sounds like this: “Great, darling! I knew that you would succeed, because you are a great employee.
Active-destructive response – “So what, now you will linger even longer in the office?”. Unsurprisingly, people who support their spouses are more likely to have a golden wedding together.
3. You both have friends
Wanting to spend all your free time with your spouse doesn’t help a marriage, says social psychologist Eli Finkel. Recognition “You are everything to me” becomes too much burden for the second half. Finkel calls it “the suffocating model of the family.”
Ideally, each spouse should have their own personal space, friends, hobbies and life’s work.
4. The same jokes make you laugh
Psychologist and dating site founder Neil Clarke Warren called humor the “lube” of romantic love. The ability to laugh enough in the company of each other, as well as the “secret” language of playful nicknames and expressions, bring together and accompany mutual understanding.
A fair distribution of household chores ranks third on the list of factors that determine a happy marriage, after fidelity and good sex, a study by the Pew Research Center found.
6. You love to get new experiences together
“Paired” trips, extreme sports, walks along different routes can, when necessary, dispel boredom and take family life to a new level, says family psychologist Arthur Aron.
7. Living together is not like a roller coaster.
In partner-oriented marriages, peace and harmony usually reign, and problems arise with a forced separation. These are the most harmonious unions.
Psychologist Brian Ogolsky and his team interviewed more than 400 couples and came to the conclusion that there are 4 types of relationships in total: conflict, social involvement, partnership and drama.
Socially engaged couples look to their next of kin and their opinions, and their relationship is largely controlled from the outside.
Those in conflict constantly swear and just as often reconcile, more or less calmly withstanding the swings of emotions. And the “dramatics” are prone to extreme manifestations of feelings and quickly go from love to hate.
Such relationships break up most often. The strongest alliances are partnerships.
8. You know how to put up
The main sign of a healthy relationship is the ability to find a common language after a quarrel, says psychologist and relationship expert John Gottman. “The happiest couples have in common that they make it clear to their partners that they listen to them even in the midst of a scandal. They are sensitive to each other’s feelings, they know how to ask for forgiveness and find the right words of comfort, ”he says in an interview with the online publication Business Insider.