Contents
The topic of the loneliness of older people in the era of coronavirus has become especially relevant, although it is still acute in Russia in “peaceful” time. We all have a lot to learn from the Dutch grandparents: they themselves are ready to support those who are now in “home confinement”.
In Russia, the attitude towards older people differs markedly from what we see in Europe. And the point is not at all that there is a different social security or a different standard of living. The point is in the mentality, in the relations between different generations and in the internal state of the elderly – self-sufficient and independent.
For example, in the Netherlands, older people try to stay active until the last day. They do everything they can do themselves. It is not customary to live with adult children there, and children do not begin to treat mature parents who have retired as helpless creatures who urgently need a nanny.
Irina Zhurakhovskaya lives in Tilburg and has been working for the Active Care social service for the elderly for four years. She has 10 regular clients, most of them between the ages of 70 and 90, but there are also older wards – under 100 years old. Sometimes Irina has to replace colleagues and go out to other old people. She comes to someone once a week, to someone once every two weeks: it all depends on the physical and psychological state of the wards. During quarantine, her service continues to work.
You must have your own personal rituals, as well as clearly prioritized important matters and hobbies.
“The elderly in Holland are accustomed to independent living,” Irina shares. And now they are rubbing their hands, chuckling: “Aha, finally our children will understand what it is to live in isolation! And they will ask us: “Mom, dad, what should we do at home in quarantine?” But in fact, they were never isolated. Even if they live separately from children, they actively communicate with peers. What seems to us a catastrophe, since we are not accustomed to living within four walls, for them is not a tragedy at all. These are the realities of their lives, to which they have long adapted.
What can you learn from your Dutch grandparents? Irina highlights a few points.
1. Day planning and scheduling
You must have your own personal rituals, as well as clearly prioritized important matters and hobbies. It is worth evenly distributing them throughout the day in order to perform without fuss and stress.
If the old people do not have time for something or some item ceases to be relevant, they simply refuse this business. And initially they don’t try to squeeze everything they can into their waking hours. They live according to plan and measured.
2. Regular coffee breaks
Dutch pensioners have 5-6 such breaks for rest during the day. It is not necessary to drink coffee, you can also drink tea or water, but the ritual itself is very important for them. No matter what happens, they always break for a coffee break.
3. Taking care of your appearance and space around
At home, they always look like they are waiting for guests. Their houses are clean, bright and comfortable. They do it not for someone else, but for themselves. “Their sense of self and desire to be in shape is amazing!” Irina exclaims.
4. Look at life with humor
“I have a client – an 84-year-old grandfather. His fingers stopped bending,” says Irina. – So he shows me his brushes and laughs: “Ira, I can’t embroider and knit, but how convenient it is to hold on to the wheel of a bicycle!”
The integral companions of the old people from the Netherlands are self-irony, the ability to accept changes in their body and condition, and the desire to adapt to new circumstances. They replace the old hobby, which is now impossible for health reasons, with something new.
It is narrow for local pensioners, but of high quality. They received regular phone calls – without any reason. They can call just like that, because they want to hear the voice of a friend or share something. They communicate with peers – play bingo and chess.
Now, during quarantine, they are deprived of personal contacts, but they actively communicate in instant messengers, regularly call friends and relatives. They also write letters, draw and glue homemade postcards and send them to loved ones. And waiting for news in response.
6. Ability to enjoy the moment
“I really like how they treat every business and moment of life,” Irina admits. – When I visit them, they always wish me: “Enjoy, Irina! Weekends, evenings, relationships, weather.” They do not know how and what will happen tomorrow, so they live one day.
7. Ability to get along with technology
Of Irina’s 10 clients, 8 contact her via instant messengers. Half went to computer courses, and they looked for them and enrolled there themselves. Four programs were installed on computers by their children and grandchildren. They try to find out everything themselves, because they understand: if you do not keep up with the times, isolation from the outside world will increase, because ignorance limits.
8. Correct attitude towards the family
Social services help Dutch grandparents around the house, and they need children and grandchildren for love. “In general, the old people here are self-sufficient. Of course, due to their condition, they cannot cope with all household chores, and then we, social workers, come to the rescue, ”explains Irina. – Children, of course, also help them in some situations.
But in their relationship there is no manipulation and guilt, no one plays rescuers and victims, but there is an opportunity for joint tea parties, conversations, hugs. There is no drama that is familiar to many in Russia. Their relationship with their children and grandchildren is on an equal footing.”