8 false beliefs that are hindering your mental health

1. “I have to respond to everything that bothers me”

Yes, life is cruel, people are unfair, circumstances do not turn out the way we would like, and even the wind blows in the wrong direction. Of course, it’s normal to get angry and try to somehow react, express your feelings. Everything would be fine, but there is one “but”: you can’t react to absolutely everything that hurts you in one way or another. There are too many incentives, there is not enough time or emotional resources for everything.

Learn to determine for yourself who and what deserves your attention. Whatever you put your energy into will come to life.

2. “I am my worst mistakes or my greatest achievements”

Many people tend to think that we are defined either by our worst mistakes in the past or by our greatest successes. This view of yourself is unrealistic and unhealthy.

We are defined by many things: personality traits and qualities, what we believe in, how we treat others and how they feel around us. Those who care about us do not think about our failures and triumphs at all.

3. “There must be some physical evidence that I grew up”

Working on ourselves, we often expect others to appreciate it: they will notice that we have begun to look different, dress better, drive a more expensive car. But the bottom line is that internal growth is a much more subtle and intangible process. And, as a rule, it has nothing to do with money and status at all.

Rather, it is expressed in the fact that we begin to think differently, act differently and somehow change the world for the better.

4. “I am the sum of what they think of me”

To understand how absurd this statement is, it is enough to imagine that each person looks at you through a certain filter: through the prism of their experience, beliefs, expectations, fears.

Opinions about you can constantly change and be based on nothing, and certainly they do not characterize you as a person in any way. What matters is how you see yourself and how you want to become.

5. “I should / should strive for excellence”

The idea that life is one big tournament has been implanted in all of us, and we must constantly compete with others, be better than them, faster, higher, stronger … But this is not so.

The beauty of another person does not detract from our own. Success is not finite: if someone has achieved something, this does not mean that he has taken away our victory. Just because someone else is happy doesn’t mean the road to happiness is closed to us. Each of us has our own version of a good, healthy and happy life.

6. “My respect still needs to be earned”

No. Other people deserve your respect by default, even if right now you are angry, or disagree with them, or don’t like them at all.

When you start to decide who deserves your respect and why, you drive yourself into the framework of standards and rules, you begin to criticize yourself mercilessly for mistakes and deny yourself respect.

7. “I love this person, which means we are destined to be together”

There is no “destined”, there is only the desire of people to be together and do something for the relationship and for each other. It does not matter what exactly you feel, what the partner says or does not say to you, promises, whether there is an elusive connection between you. If he or she is not willing to invest in a relationship, nothing will come of it.

8. “My fate is predetermined”

Believing that life depends on external circumstances, we begin to fear failure. We worry: what if something goes wrong, we will be forced to turn off the intended path.

When we take responsibility for ourselves, we understand: yes, anything can happen, perhaps the road will make an unexpected turn, but we ourselves determine the direction of movement and the destination. And, no matter what happens, it is in our power to decide to stand up, dust ourselves off, learn the lesson and move on.