In romantic relationships, each of us behaves in a certain way: we all have a different attitude to love, interact with each other, the presence of a loved one next to us in one way or another changes us. But we also have something in common. Each person in a relationship exhibits the characteristics of a particular archetype.
Why do we behave this way in relationships with a partner and not otherwise? To answer this question, it is important to define your archetype by asking yourself along the way:
- Why is it so hard for me to commit myself?
- What worries me in a relationship?
- Why is it so hard for me to get close to someone?
- Do I need others too much? Or maybe I’m too independent?
- Why is my partner manipulating me?
- Why is my relationship so short?
It is important to understand that these archetypes are not a strict scientific classification: clinical psychologist Karen Nimmo derived them based on her therapeutic experience. Here are 8 types she names.
1. Avoider
It is difficult for such a person to bind himself with obligations. Even if he starts a relationship with someone of his own free will, it is difficult for him to be 100% included in them (even if he (a) himself (a) does not realize this). Why it happens? Perhaps the blame for everything is the traumatic experience of a previous relationship and the fear of getting burned again or experiencing rejection, or maybe the insecurity in other people. Often the word “forever” scares him or her in and of itself. However, if you give the Avoider a certain freedom, you can build a healthy long-term relationship with him.
2. Pleasing
In a relationship, such a person always gives more than he receives. He is ready to give up his own interests, desires and even needs, so that others (partner, children) are happy. It is no wonder that such people are often used, which leads to an imbalance in relationships. A pleaser always tries to anticipate and satisfy the needs of another, he feels responsible for the happiness of a loved one (and when he is unhappy, he feels guilty). It’s really difficult for him to say no to someone, and he continues to give his all, even if he is completely exhausted. It is very important for the pleaser to learn self-compassion, and if you recognize your partner in the description, help him with this.
3. Alarming
People with this archetype often get stuck in thoughts about the past or worries about what might happen, and it is extremely important for them that a partner gives them a sense of security. Interestingly, in a non-standard situation, including in the midst of a crisis, they can be quite effective, especially if they load themselves with a lot of things. Such people are happy when the world functions “as it should”, when everything goes on as usual. They love lists and plans, it is important for them to understand in advance what to cook for dinner and what to do on the weekend. Sometimes their tendency to control everything can be tiring (not to be confused, however, with the Control type).
4. “Anchor”
Such a partner is the most mature and emotionally developed, he stands firmly on his feet, is independent (but not cold), knows how to look at any situation through the eyes of the opposite side, which helps a lot to resolve conflicts. Anchor does not satisfy his needs at the expense of a partner, and you can be sure: he is with you precisely because he loves you and wants to be around. He will always support you in everything, but it is important for him that you are responsible for your life, and he will not allow himself to be mistreated or taken for granted.
5. Controlling
Control often becomes a stumbling block in a relationship. The balance of power should be equal – or at least the other state of affairs should suit everyone. The controlling partner wants to keep his finger on the pulse – always and in everything. In the worst case, such a person seeks to manipulate the partner, his thoughts, feelings, behavior, the way he or she looks, with whom he is friends, what he is fond of and how he lives.
He can do this not directly, but with the help of passive-aggressive behavior. Fortunately, according to some indications, this type can be calculated quite early – before you have committed yourself. But, even if it was not possible to do this in advance, it is always possible – and worth it – to try to break off such relations.
6. Supportive
Reliable, loyal, calm, such a person is an indispensable “vest” for his partner, a shoulder that you can always lean on. He is able to withstand any storm, even when the world seems to have gone mad. However, it is a mistake to think that he is not worried at all: as a rule, such people keep their worries to themselves – simply because they do not know how to share feelings. So, if such a person is near you, do not forget that he, in turn, needs your support, even if he does not show it.
7. Lone wolf
As the name suggests, such a person needs independence. Even if he or she loves a partner, this does not mean that they are ready to give up personal time – for themselves, their interests. It is important for them to periodically rest and replenish resources. Problems arise when the partner of the Lone Wolf begins to feel abandoned. So if you yourself are a lone wolf, pay attention to how your loved one feels, and if you are a partner of such a freedom-loving character, insist that you and your relationship should be a priority.
8. Chameleon
Such people instantly change their opinion and behavior depending on the situation. The partner next to them never knows what to expect (however, the Chameleon himself does not know this either). Today such a person is a walking holiday, and tomorrow your worst nightmare. Chameleons are driven by feelings (managing emotions is not their forte), and therefore it can be so much fun with them … And also – it is so infinitely difficult and incomprehensible!
Do you recognize yourself in one of the archetypes? Or maybe several at once? Remember: each of us is unique, and it is impossible to “fit” strictly within the framework of one type. But the better you understand who you are and who your partner is, the easier it will be for you to avoid sharp corners in a couple, and also to build relationships with new people.