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Have you ever faced such a situation: a friend had a problem and you really want to support him, but you don’t know how exactly to do it? Psychologist Emma Seppala tells how to help a loved one get through a difficult period.
When Sheryl Sandberg, author of the bestselling book Don’t Be Afraid to Act, lost her husband, even those close to her didn’t always know how to communicate with her now. People were embarrassed, they did not know what to do, and could not find the right words. In her new book, Option B, Cheryl not only talks about how to be resilient during a difficult time, but also how to support a friend who is going through a difficult time.
Cheryl raised an important point. How often do we find ourselves in a situation where a loved one has lost a job, a loved one, or faced other difficult changes in life, and we do not know what to do and what to say to alleviate his suffering? Here are some scientifically proven ways to help support a friend in the most effective way.
1. Be 100% available to your loved one
Put your phone away, turn off your computer, put aside work, and give your friend your full attention. Listen and support, but don’t judge or judge. Refrain from making recommendations unless you are asked for advice. Just be there. The fact that you hear and understand a person brings him relief.
Research shows that positive social interaction makes us feel better, but it also makes many people feel lonely. Only a close person who actively listens makes it possible for someone who is in trouble to feel connected to the world and supported.
Eating fresh fruits and vegetables greatly improves your mood and gives you a sense of well-being. Go to a vegetarian restaurant together and eat your fill of plant-based foods to make life brighter and more positive.
3. Go for a walk
According to studies, natural light, especially sunlight, improves mood. Walking in nature reduces anxiety and depression.
4. Take up yoga or meditation
We constantly live in a state of stress. And it is yoga and meditation that help to cope with it. In addition, these activities calm and improve mood, help to see the future and find solutions to problems that did not come to mind in everyday life.
5. Ask a friend to remember what good things happened in life recently.
We tend to focus on the negative, even though negative events happen to us three times less often than positive ones. If a loved one has problems in the family or at work, ask him what he is grateful for. Reflecting on positive things, good deeds, and helpful people can help a friend shift focus, gain perspective, and be relieved.
6. Offer to help other people in need together
This approach seems counterintuitive, but helping others makes us feel better. If you invite a friend to join you in charitable activities or other assistance to those in need, you will give him a chance to become happier.
7. Compliment your friend
People are often too self-critical, which leads to increased anxiety and depression. It may be difficult for your friend to come to terms with failure and survive the mistake. He blames himself for everything. And now it is very important to remind him of his talents, strengths and other positive qualities.
All of these support methods have the bonus that helping others makes us feel better. In my research for The Way to Happiness, I found compelling evidence that our health, longevity, happiness, and success are directly related to how much attention, care, and support we give to those around us.
About the author: Emma Seppala is a psychologist, director of research at Stanford University, and author of The Way to Happiness: How to Succeed Through the Science of Happiness.