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It is not always easy for us to keep hope that everything will turn out well in the end. But the ability to notice beautiful little things and find inspiration in difficult circumstances will always come in handy for us. How to become a realistic optimist and learn to support yourself?
Sometimes it seems that the world is divided into two camps. Some indulge in pessimism and despondency, others profess “toxic positivity” and urge to see the good in everything, “enjoy every day”, no matter what happens.
Clinical psychologist Karen Nimmo is sure that both approaches are harmful. “Blind optimism” prevents us from seeing reality as it is and prevents us from touching our own painful feelings, which is important for mental health.
Another thing is “realistic optimism”: thanks to this outlook on life, we continue to cope with everyday difficulties and make plans for the future, believing that tomorrow will be better than today. As Omar Khayyam wrote, “two people were looking out the same window. One saw rain and mud. The other is green foliage, spring and blue sky.
But how do you feed your optimism? Here is what the psychologist advises.
1. Think less, act more
Most of us think too much – even those who are generally not inclined to philosophize. About what is going on right now. About what the future holds for us. Sometimes this habit plays a cruel joke with us, forcing us to stagnate.
The way out is to act, to take at least small steps, to “turn on” not only the head, but the body too. At the same time, it is important to remember that stable, measured actions are better than fuss and attempts to load yourself with a maximum of cases. And habits are more beneficial for the psyche than round-the-clock spontaneity. The tortoise defeats the rabbit – it has always been so, and it seems that it will always be so.
2. Go for at least one day without complaining
Challenge yourself and try not to complain for at least a day – not about your partner, not about your children, not about your colleagues or boss, not about work, not about the economic situation in the country, not about politicians, not about fate and circumstances, not about yourself . Complaining, we continue to produce negativity, and there is already too much of it in this world. It’s not about forbidding yourself to feel, just stop complaining out loud. At least for a day.
3. Try to cheer up someone else
Just don’t tell him or her “it’ll get better,” “hold on,” or “try to look at it differently.” Better do something good. Or call. Or send a funny picture. Show that you simply think of the person.
4. Change “can’t” to “how”
Instead of refusing to do something, ask yourself how you can do it. Trying to solve a problem, especially if successful (but not only), makes us feel better.
5. At the end of the day, write down at least one good thought, event or action.
Most likely, you have heard more than once about how useful it is to keep a gratitude journal, and maybe even started writing, but then abandoned it. Try this: At the end of the day, write down one thing — just one — good thing that happened to you or that you witnessed. Or a curious thought you heard. Rereading these entries, you will surely smile later, and more than once.
6. Try to find the good in people
Yes, even those who piss you off. Or rather, especially in them. Before you wonder why they did this to you, try to find at least something positive in them. Believe me – if you try, it is almost always found. But if it doesn’t work out at all, try to look around and find something good around.
7. Try to stay in the “here and now”
Life is what is happening to us right now. So ask yourself the question: is what I’m doing right now really worth spending my precious time and energy on? Is this the best thing I can do? If the answer is no, you know what to do.