The first love was the most real, childhood friends were the most sincere. The grass was greener and the sky brighter ten years ago. Sometimes it seems to us that the best is in the past. But by thinking this way, we are missing the present and not creating the future.
Beryl Markham, the first Kenyan pilot, once said, “Never look back. Even if it seems to you that the past was better, in fact it is already dead. It seems safe, reclaimed from time, but as you move backwards, the future remains just a dream.
Is she right? Does the past always pull us back, or can we learn to benefit from it?
We all immerse ourselves in memories from time to time, especially if they are pleasant, bright, soothing. But it also happens that the past absorbs us, and we succumb to a meaningless fantasy, trying to go back and change the long gone, especially if the experience was traumatic.
Such dreams are doomed because we are powerless here. As you know, you can’t turn back time. When all is said, isn’t it better to admit that we did our best?
What happened cannot be changed. But we always have a choice. Of course, one can continue to live in the past, desperately going over events and endlessly considering what should have been done differently. Only we must remember that this will not help us. Moreover, it hurts. Living in the past means giving up the present and the future. Obsessing with endless “what ifs” just kills our time, energy and emotions.
Existing in the past keeps you from reaching your goals
You can also learn from your experience. Then there is a chance to avoid past mistakes by making decisions and making choices in the present. When we leave the past behind, we accept it for what it is and are ready to let go of what was.
Here are 7 ways to let go of the past:
1.Consciously decide to leave the past behind. This statement seems to be obvious. In fact, everything is not so simple. Deciding consciously means being aware of what happened to you and understanding how it affected you. This means weighing all the options and, having comprehended the experience, move on.
2.Take full responsibility. It is up to you whether you can turn to the future or continue to look back. This is your choice, your responsibility.
Ask yourself: what or who is holding you back and why? How do you feel clinging to old hurts and disappointments? Is it really easier to live in the memories of the past, in the fantasy of what was, than to face reality?
When do you feel safe? Do you follow a pattern and act the same as always, or do you try to comprehend the situation and find out what actions it really requires? Are you making up excuses for not returning to the real world?
In other words, being in the past keeps you from reaching your goals. You may be trying to deny the pain and emptiness you feel because of the traumas you have experienced.
What will happen to you if you let go of the past? Your honesty with yourself will pay off handsomely. Grief, loss, anger, disappointment will subside if you can see the situation more clearly and more realistically.
3. Accept the past as it is. This process can be compared to experiencing grief. Usually, the stages of grief are spoken of when it comes to the death or loss of a loved one. But it happens that the loss of the past causes real grief, and we grieve, mourning the loss.
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance… Before you get to the last stage, you have to go through the other four. We have to admit that the past is what it is. Not the way you want. That it no longer matters. When you accept reality, you open up new possibilities, perspectives and expand your consciousness.
Stop reproaching yourself for everything in the world – draw conclusions and move on
4. Come up with a plan for the near future. Determine what is most important to you here and now. And move on. Even if you have no idea what your future will be like, you can get anywhere you want if you take even the smallest step. You may need to rethink your priorities. Therefore, it is necessary to foresee different possibilities and perspectives.
Try something new and get out of your comfort zone. It only matters that you make attempts, steps, even if they lead the wrong way. If you don’t see clearly the path you wanted to take, no problem. Trample another one.
5.Determine what your strength is. What’s good about you? What are your talents, gifts and abilities? Where can you change for the better? Start small, the main thing – do it. What can you change right now? What can you do immediately?
Instead of forever putting others before you and their desires before your own, better determine what you need in order to become happy. Surround yourself with people who share your interests, understand who you are, support and encourage you.
6.Forgive yourself and others. By forgiving, you accept your actions, stop blaming yourself. We all offend others sometimes, intentionally and accidentally. But if you drag this guilt along with you all your life, you won’t get very far. Fixation on past actions, events and emotions does not allow you to relax, look at the world with optimism, does not allow you to be kind to yourself and others.
Instead of spending a lot of energy and a lot of time searching for answers to questions that cannot be answered, and fixing what can no longer be fixed, it would be much more useful to forgive yourself and others for your actions and thoughts and start a new stage in life.
Perhaps you did everything you could, but it was not enough. Or things didn’t work out the way you wanted. Or you misjudged the situation and the person, relied on someone who cannot be trusted.
Stop reproaching yourself for everything in the world – draw conclusions and move on.
7.Take a lesson from the past. Everything we experience in life teaches us something new about ourselves and about the world. The irony is that the events and relationships that hurt the most are the ones that teach us the most valuable lessons.
Fear, pain, disappointment and sadness are hard to bear. When something goes wrong, we feel cheated, helpless, rejected. Losing faith in ourselves and loved ones. The ground is slipping away from under our feet and it seems to us that we are no longer in control of our destiny.
But if you’re willing to learn, a harrowing experience can give you invaluable knowledge. If you have enough patience and attention, you will understand that there are many opportunities and there are no limits to growth. You can always make the best choice, find the best options, and live the life you want.