Contents
Why, despite our best efforts, do we fail to succeed? It seems like the whole world has come together to stop our dream. But perhaps the source of the problem is in the head. Experts from British Psychologies discuss what attitudes undermine our confidence and what to do to get rid of them.
There are mental traps that prevent us from achieving our goals. What is it and how to deal with them?
1.
Position of the victim
Sometimes it’s easier to say, «My life is full of stress.» But negative thinking only exacerbates the feeling of overwhelm. When we perceive everything that happens to us as a threat, cortisol, the stress hormone, enters the bloodstream. We panic, lose control of our actions, and make rash decisions.
Even when everything is in order, we focus on how much is not yet done, and not on what is already going well. Whatever career we choose, we get stressed from time to time. It is important not to let it become unmanageable. Keep a record of where time goes. If you feel overwhelmed by stress, seek help.
2.
Perfectionism
Everyone wants to do their job the best. But the desire to catch up and overtake the best can distract from what is really important. We are afraid to show ourselves unworthy and come up with excuses: I can’t start until I clean the table; in the morning I think badly, it is better to wait until the evening; I need to smoke, and then the fog in my head. Familiar?
You feel that you do not meet the strict requirements. But who installs them? Only you.
3.
Defeat stories
It is natural for us to look for the meaning of what is happening: why does this happen? what threatens me? what is my role in this? It helps to make decisions. But when we are under stress, it is almost impossible to objectively evaluate ourselves and analyze what is happening.
Every hour and a half, take a break during which you are completely distracted from all work tasks
Psychologist Laura Vanderkam, author of I Know How She Does It, has collected stories from the daily lives of hundreds of women. She asked the heroines to record everything that happens to them, and separately — to evaluate their actions and experiences. It turned out that most of them had very distorted self-esteem: for example, they complained that they “do not see their children at all,” although they spent 35 hours a week with them. They did not notice this discrepancy and considered themselves to be bad matters.
Depressive thoughts accumulate and lead to unconscious feelings of anxiety. Every act that our inner judge assessed as «bad» is filed into a «deed». Gradually, the details are forgotten, only the feeling of worthlessness remains. Watch your thoughts and assessments, and from time to time review your ideas about yourself: where did they come from? at what moment? what are they based on? are they fair?
4.
The desire to do everything yourself (most)
Can you imagine Elon Musk personally making lists of office supplies to buy for the office? It is tempting to think that we are responsible for everything, but in the end this position turns into at least a disruption of plans, not to mention a nervous breakdown. Identify your strengths and focus on what only you can do. Spraying on small tasks, you risk failing in the main one.
5.
Work without breaks
Does your daily to-do list take up a couple of tightly written pages in a notebook and doesn’t even allow you to go to the toilet? Living in such a regime is not only unproductive, but also dangerous. Our brain works just like any other part of the body — it gets tired after exertion and needs rest before it can work productively again.
Do not forget: a clear rhythm with alternating periods of employment and rest is always better than emergency mobilization with overwork and attempts to sleep off for future use on the weekends. Divide your day into segments in 90-minute increments: every hour and a half, take a break during which you are completely distracted from work tasks. This way you will not only give yourself time to recharge, but also learn how to more accurately determine how much you manage to do in one session.
Identify the 20% of people most important to you and think about them first
6.
Planning «at random»
«Let’s meet and have lunch together.» «Great, different idea.» Two years pass, we meet by chance on the street or at a party, and the dialogue is repeated again. Here’s the thing: if we don’t make a strong commitment to ourselves to do something, it probably won’t happen. Every day we save dozens of links that would be nice to look at later, and end up not opening a single one. We sign up for online courses and eventually quit, because at the last moment there are always other things to do.
Train yourself to plan hard for everything that is important to you. Would you like to meet an old friend or potential business partner? Dial the number now and don’t hang up until you’ve set up a meeting time and place.»
7.
Striving to please others
Often we cannot find time for activities and people who are truly interesting to us, because we are trying to earn the favor of those who are really indifferent to. We go to corporate parties because we think we should be there. We agree to the request of the boss to work overtime, although until recently we were thinking about quitting.
Business coach and motivational speaker Shaa Wasmund1 advises to use the 20/80 rule: identify the 20% of the people most important to you and think about them first. This does not mean that the other 80% should be completely ignored. Just remember to prioritize.
1 Real Focus: Take Control and Start Living the Life You Want, Psychologies Magazine, 2016.