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Remember the proverb: «Tell me who your friend is, and I’ll tell you who you are»? We propose to change it a little: «Tell me who your friend is, and we will tell you if you should continue to communicate with him.» After all, bad friends are not only traitors, liars and manipulators. We tell you who should take a closer look.
University of Kansas professor Dr. Jeffrey Hall did an interesting study to find out how many hours it takes to become someone’s friend. As a result, it turned out that we become “buddies” in 50 hours, “good friends” in 120-160 hours, and “best friends” in 200 hours spent together.
It turns out that the strengthening of friendly relations takes not so little time, it requires strength and emotional investment. But all these “investments” are more than paid off: in return, we get a feeling of closeness, comfort, the happiness of knowing another.
But before you «invest» in a relationship with another person, you need to make sure that he is worth it. There are people on whom you definitely don’t need to waste your time and energy — not because they are “bad” in themselves, but because relationships with them will hardly give you positive emotions.
1. Always «in need»
Such a person constantly needs other people, needs company, but at the same time he speaks mainly about himself, about his problems and needs. Something always happens to him, and his life is a continuous drama. And, of course, we feel sorry for the unfortunate in our own way, only it’s even harder for us: in such a relationship we get nothing in return — no warmth, no attention, no participation. Communication with him is exhausting and devastating.
2. Complaining about others behind their backs
You can be sure that if there is a conflict between you, this person will not have the courage and maturity to talk to you face to face. No, he will gossip and slander you behind your back.
Of course, all of us, people, discuss each other, there is no getting away from this. The question is how we do it, with what message, intention, what words we choose. If we turn to others for advice, this is one thing, but if we simply run to “sneak” and gossip, it’s quite another.
3. Self-centered
They are very similar to the “eternally needy”, since they only talk about themselves. True, the «obsessed» is not limited to complaints — he talks about his news and new clothes, about his appearance and life, about his work and interests. We are sure that such a “one-sided game”, where there is no place for dialogue and your interests, you will most likely get bored pretty soon.
4. Controlling
Such a person is accustomed to command, accustomed that everything should be as he says. And he is not at all ready to hear objections. He is usually a conservative, completely unwilling to compromise and flexibility. But God forbid you to tell them about it — he «always did, does and will do,» and there is nothing to teach him!
Narrowness of mind prevents the «controller» from building an open and joyful relationship. What’s there — sometimes it’s just unpleasant to communicate with such a person.
5. Completely irresponsible
Let’s be honest: all friends are sometimes late, and in exceptional cases, some of them even disrupt our plans. And yet we know that most of them can be relied upon.
Total irresponsibility is another matter. Such a person is always late for 30-40 minutes, or even an hour. Regularly cancels appointments. Promises to call back and doesn’t. He forgets about important dates, and now and then he fails — in a word, you cannot build normal relations with such a friend.
6. Overly judgmental
Again, we all discuss, judge, and criticize others at least once in a while. But there are people who harshly condemn others, simply because they are somehow “not like that” — they behave differently than our friends would like. They are “quick to kill” and deliver a ruthless verdict without having time to properly communicate with others, as they do not seek to better know the interlocutor, his history and motivation.
With such a person, it is impossible to feel emotionally safe, because you never know when the wave of his condemnation will hit you.
7. Too lazy
A lazy person is not necessarily a bad friend, and yet it happens quite often. If he doesn’t bother to do anything in other areas and constantly procrastinates, where is the guarantee that he won’t do the same to you and your friendship? It will seem to you that only you are trying to drag the «cart» of your relationship somewhere.
Everyone knows how precious true friends are, but our time is no less precious. Use it wisely and don’t waste it on those who don’t deserve your friendship.