Contents
- 1. Accept the person for who they are.
- 2. Keep categorical to a minimum
- 3. Connect with others in a positive way
- 4. Never infringe on what a person identifies with
- 5. Give Feedback Instead of Criticism
- 6. Don’t bring doubt and confusion into a person’s already made decisions.
- 7. Respect the merit of others
Being in harmony with others is no less important for each of us than being in harmony with ourselves. But for this we ourselves need to take a step towards creating a trusting union. How to remove barriers in interaction, inspire trust from the other person and make the connection deeper and stronger?
1. Accept the person for who they are.
Accepting another means not judging him. Feel the difference between «accept» and «praise» — they are two different things. Praise is always pleasant, but it is always based on a system of evaluation. And, having praised today, you can scold tomorrow.
In acceptance, you allow the other person to express their individuality. Acceptance means creating an atmosphere in which a person can be himself and not be afraid of being judged by you (it does not matter if this assessment is good or bad). Acceptance breeds deep, trusting relationships that last for a long time.
2. Keep categorical to a minimum
It is human nature to divide everything into black and white. This helps to navigate in space and in your life, make firm decisions and not doubt yourself. But one should distinguish between the ability to independently and responsibly make choices and the desire to evaluate everyone and everything according to the criterion of “bad” and “good”.
It is important to remember that any assessment is subjective and carries the life experience, worldview and character of the one who evaluates. And it has little to do with what is being assessed. No matter how wise and objective you are, you cannot know all the halftones of what is happening. And a categorical assessment will not bring you the desired result if you want the other person to open up to you.
3. Connect with others in a positive way
Connecting with others on a positive basis is a powerful tool for creating strong friendships and partnerships. For example, “it was no coincidence that we were given to lead this project together, we are strong professionals and together we will make a very cool product.” This is an example of joining on a positive basis.
In contrast, I will give an example of association on a negative basis: “We were given this project because only you and I work tirelessly in this office for a meager salary, we found two trouble-free people and use them.” Feel the difference? The examples speak for themselves.
4. Never infringe on what a person identifies with
Do not, under any circumstances, evaluate other people’s children, wife, husband, parents, or beloved cat. What a person is inextricably linked with is not just expensive for him. These are parts of himself, his personality. You should especially remember this rule if you are complaining about your husband or wife, or about how poorly your child is doing at school.
This is a momentary human reaction. He complained about the child, but came home and hugged him — because he loves. And if you, even out of a desire to support, speak incorrectly about his child, this is fraught with a break in relations.
5. Give Feedback Instead of Criticism
It differs from criticism in that you do not allow yourself to evaluate a person in terms of «it’s done badly.» In feedback, the wording is important: “In what you did, I liked this and that”, “If I were in your place, I would change this and that.” Be clear about what you would change and how.
It’s not enough to just say «I wouldn’t split my vacation into two weeks, I’d take it all». Be sure to explain: “…Because for me personally it’s not enough to rest for two weeks, it’s only towards the end of the second week that I begin to feel that I’m really relaxing. But you can treat vacation differently. This is just my opinion.»
6. Don’t bring doubt and confusion into a person’s already made decisions.
If a person was in search of the right decision, repeatedly consulted with you and as a result made a decision completely opposite to what you advised him, humble yourself. Do not criticize him, even if you are sure that he is wrong and will later regret his decision.
It is at this moment that the division of responsibility for one’s own and for someone else’s life begins.
Your life and your opinion are yours alone. Similarly, everything is arranged for others. Therefore, just accept everything as it is and support your friend, loved one or colleague. Your support for him will be much more valuable and more important than the phrase “I think that you made such a decision in vain, it is wrong, you will lose!”
7. Respect the merit of others
Very often we ourselves don’t notice how we devalue the other, his results and successes, saying “So what’s wrong”, “You’re great, but this is just the beginning, you still have a lot to achieve”, “You shouldn’t be so happy, your main achievements still ahead.»
Better try to sincerely rejoice at the success of another person, express your admiration for him. If there is something that prevents you from doing this (for example, envy, a situational conflict with this person, or something else), refrain from violent reactions. And just smile.