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Sometimes life prepares unpleasant surprises. It is impossible to foresee everything, but it is quite possible to help yourself cope with stress. We talk about the techniques of behavior in a difficult situation that cannot be changed right now.
The founder of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Marsha Lainen, has come up with a seven-step approach to help you get through life’s tough times. The goal of her approach is to develop a set of skills that will help you cope with difficult events and emotions at a time when it is impossible to change a stressful situation.
When I first read Lynan’s statement that anyone can «distract themselves» with a few steps, I chuckled. Acceptance through distraction – are you kidding me? However, much of my day-to-day life battles were really exacerbated by my relentless resistance to difficult situations, conflicts, and unpleasant emotions.
At a certain point, they covered me with my head, and I could not do anything about it. Being distracted by other constructive and worthwhile options is a step towards acceptance and overcoming. If I occupy my body and mind with other activities, this does not mean that I approve of the event that made me angry, upset or scared. But this makes it possible to redirect energy in a more productive direction.
In any case, a difficult situation, whatever it may be — a divorce, problems at work, an illness of a girlfriend — this is a reality that I inevitably have to accept. So, here are seven ways you can distract yourself using the Linen method.
1. Employment
«Get some exercise, take up a hobby, call a friend or visit her.» What activities give you strength? What options do you have?
Put on your running shoes and go for a run? Or take up knitting? Do you enjoy taking care of indoor plants? Or do you prefer to spend the evening watching movies or playing with the kids?
2. Help
Help somebody. Volunteer. Give something to other people.» Do you have a «higher goal»? Can you help the community in any way outside of your normal job duties?
In a TED talk, Stanford psychologist Kelly McGonigal cites research that shows people who are best at coping with stress and living longer are those who reach out to and care for others.
3. Comparison
«Compare yourself to people who are doing just as well as you or worse.» Unlike dangerous forms of social comparison, which lead to lower self-esteem, this option has the opposite effect.
“This is not the worst moment of my life. I’ve gotten out of much more difficult situations than this.» Comparison allows you to look at your little sorrows from the outside.
4. Contrasting emotions
“Provoke other emotions in yourself, for example, with a horror movie, a humorous book, or a comedy.”
What makes you laugh? Your stupid drooling dog? A two year old? An impromptu family party with dancing? Favorite TV show or stand-up comedian performance? What brings you joy?
5. Shutdown
«Leave the situation for a while and disconnect from it.» This exercise will help keep you from further worrying and getting stuck in the situation. Some psychologists suggest setting aside a special time for experiences, for example, 30 minutes a day. The rest of the time, mind your own business.
6. Other thoughts
“Count to ten. Count the colors in a painting or on a tree. Assemble the puzzle.» Sometimes easier said than done, but there are many tools and techniques for cognitive reappraisal.
Reconsider the point of view of the situation and think about something else — this will do you good.
7. Strong feelings
“Hold the ice in your hand. Squeeze the rubber ball firmly.» There are many healthy and attractive options: sexual activity, loud music, energizing workout, very hot showers.
Instead of feeling overwhelmed by a tough day, use one of the strategies above.
About the author: Amy L. Iva is an educational psychologist at the Center for the Science of the Higher Good at the University of California, Berkeley.