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Who among us has not lay awake at night, unable to stop thinking about something negative? And during the day, during the performance of ordinary tasks, anxiety may not go anywhere. What to do then?
This sticky feeling of fear is especially unpleasant and unbearable because it is incredibly difficult to get rid of. It’s like a fire that only gets hotter when you blow into the flames. So our attempts to stop thinking about the bad only lead to an increase in these thoughts, and, accordingly, an increase in anxiety.
Here are 7 actions that will help him win:
1. Don’t resist fear
Fear is not you, not your personality, but only an emotion. And for some reason it is needed. Resistance and attention to fear feeds it, so first you need to lower the level of its importance. It is most important.
2. Rate it
Imagine that there is a scale where 0 is “not at all scary” and 10 is “terrible fear”. The appearance of some measure will help you study your reaction and disassemble fear into its components: “What in this story scares me exactly 6 out of 10? How many points would suit me? What would this fear look like if I were only 2-3 points afraid? What can I do to get to that level?”
3. Imagine Fear Realized
Take the worst case scenario: what is the worst thing that could happen if your fear came true? Most often, people come to the conclusion that the outcome in this situation can be unpleasant, painful, but not worth such excitement. Even better, if you take this idea of extreme fear to the point of absurdity, presenting the most unrealistic scenarios. You will feel funny, humor will dilute fear, and tension will subside.
4. Look at fear from the other side
Try to understand the benefit that it may bring, and accept it. For example, fear often works to keep us safe. But watch carefully: sometimes fear does not do good, namely, what “does” good. For example, if you are afraid of being alone, this fear can make your search for a partner especially stressful and contribute to failure. Therefore, it is worth accepting his good motives, but try to approach the issue calmly and rationally.
5. Write a letter to fear
Describe your feelings to him and thank him for the benefit that you just found in him. I am sure that while you write a letter, gratitude will increase significantly. But thank him from the bottom of your heart, because fear feels insincerity. And then you can politely ask him to loosen the vise and give you some freedom. You may also want to write a response letter on behalf of fear – this is where even deeper work begins.
6. Draw your fear
At this stage, the obsessive fear will most likely stop bothering you, but if this has not happened yet, draw it as you imagine it.
Let him be unpleasant, with tentacles and a terrible twisted mouth. After that, try to make it dull, pale, blurry – erase its contours with an eraser, let it gradually merge with a white sheet and its power over you weakens. And it will also be possible to portray him as cute enough: “white and fluffy”, he no longer claims to be the power of a nightmare.
7. Don’t Avoid Him
The reaction to any stimulus tends to fade: you can not constantly be afraid of heights if you live in a skyscraper. Therefore, try to find yourself in those situations that you are afraid of. Walk into them, tracking your reactions step by step. Although you are afraid, you must remember that you have a choice in how you react now. You can put yourself in a state of temporary tension and stress and fight fear or refuse to experience it at all.
Remember that you are alone in your home, and take care of yourself not only in moments of panic, but throughout your life. Maintain a safe space within yourself and avoid the intersection of new anxiety states with previous fears. Treat yourself carefully, and then no external circumstances will deprive you of a state of calmness and trust in the world.
About expert
Olga Bakshutova — neuropsychologist, neurocoach. Head of medical consulting department of the company.