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Since childhood, we have been taught that “kindness is the most necessary and dearest thing in this world.” And this is true: she is one of the foundations of a healthy relationship. And everything would be fine if some of us didn’t overdo it with it and thus harm our partner or child – for example, doing everything for them and thereby limiting their growth. How else will an excess of kindness manifest itself?
1. You are confident that you know exactly what is best for the other.
Perhaps this is true, but each of us has the right to make decisions independently – including erroneous decisions. But it can be difficult to control oneself, especially for parents who watch their child go “down the wrong path” or contact the “wrong” company.
Clinical psychologist Karen Nimmo tells how one of her daughters begs her, “Mom, let me live on my own!” when there is “too much” in the girl’s life. And this request is quite fair.
Gently advising or suggesting something is fine, but try to let your partner or child live (including stepping on a rake) on their own.
2. You tend to check and control everything.
You constantly inquire about whether your partner had lunch (otherwise with such a workload he might have forgotten), whether the child took a diary with him, whether he put on a close coat, whether he forgot to take his medicine. Do you sometimes tell your friends that your partner is “like another child” for you?
Of course, you care about him and do it with the best of intentions, and yet let the person next to you function on his own, do not limit his or her independence.
3. You are too positive
Optimism is a wonderful quality that helps us get through tough times, but being too positive can be annoying, especially for those who are having a really hard time right now. What’s more: usually around-the-clock “toxic positivity” is demonstrated by those who are afraid to show vulnerability and real feelings.
4. You try to please everyone.
“Give your last shirt to someone else”, “turn inside out so that everyone around you feels good” – by doing this, you will eventually feel exhausted and feel that those around you are simply using you. That’s why being able to say “no” is so important – both for your condition and health, and for relationships with others.
5. You rush to solve other people’s problems.
Wanting a partner to live better is a natural desire, but for this it is not at all necessary to rush headlong to “repair” what is broken in his life.
Firstly, it is not at all guaranteed that you will succeed. Secondly, it will prevent a loved one from solving their own problems. Do not take away from him the opportunity to experience personal triumph when he manages to rise again after a fall.
6. You never argue with anyone.
Avoiding conflict is not a sign of kindness, but of passivity. The atmosphere of peace in the house is good, but not at the expense of infringing on your right to speak out on various issues.
Avoiding conflicts is natural if you have a controlling partner, but then another question arises: do you need such a relationship?
7. You are overly protective of the other.
Behind this concern lies something else – the desire to control everything, including the behavior of a partner. Sooner or later, he or she may feel that you do not trust him or her. Yes, life is full of risks, but let your loved one face them on their own.