Contents
- 1. Communication with a partner is perceived as a duty, not a pleasure.
- 2. The partner does not get in touch when he promised
- 3. Your partner is trying to control you.
- 4. A loved one does not try to solve problems that arise in a relationship.
- 5. Separation is getting harder
- 6. You do not discuss joint plans for the future
- 7. You constantly wonder how it would be with someone else.
Partners who live in different cities or even countries often miss the moment when the relationship starts to stall. How to understand what to do next – try to “fix” everything or disperse?
1. Communication with a partner is perceived as a duty, not a pleasure.
“If you catch yourself thinking that you want to share your thoughts, ideas or experiences with a friend, relative or colleague, but not with a partner, you should ask yourself the question: what is happening between us? What do I feel for this person? – advises family therapist Jenna Peterson.
Yes, we do not always want to talk even with the closest people: maybe we are too exhausted, or maybe we are just not in the mood or our head is busy with something else. However, if this happens all the time, if calling with a partner has long become just another item on the to-do list, it’s time to think.
2. The partner does not get in touch when he promised
Long distance relationships are not an easy story. It takes a lot of effort just to keep in touch, especially if you exist in different time zones. It’s okay to cancel scheduled calls from time to time: after all, everyone has urgent business. However, if it’s already a habit, it’s normal to start feeling irritated and anxious.
“You will quickly get tired of spending evenings waiting for a call or feeling like you have to fight for your partner’s attention,” comments sex therapist Nazanin Moali. “If for a loved one connection with you is not a priority, it’s time to think about whether you need such a relationship.”
3. Your partner is trying to control you.
Regularly subtly asking about how you are doing and what you are up to is one thing, but constantly interrogating is quite another: it is usually a sign that the partner is jealous and trying to control your every move.
“In order to keep in touch at a distance, you need to trust each other,” says family therapist Carolyn Madden. — It is important to understand that everyone has their own life, which includes lunches with colleagues and meetings with friends. If a partner requires you to be in touch around the clock, this is a wake-up call.
4. A loved one does not try to solve problems that arise in a relationship.
Disagreements and conflicts arise in any couples from time to time, and existence at a distance does not at all give “immunity” from them. How does your partner react when you tell him that something does not suit you? Is he willing to discuss problems and look for solutions together, or is he constantly dismissing or putting off talking?
“Healthy relationships are built on dialogue, the willingness of partners to make commitments,” says Moali. “If a loved one doesn’t take your worries seriously, they may just not be ready to invest in a relationship anymore.”
5. Separation is getting harder
If it’s completely unbearable for you without a partner, it’s so hard that you can hardly cope with everyday affairs and work tasks, think about it: maybe this format of relationships still doesn’t suit you?
6. You do not discuss joint plans for the future
Even if distance separated you from the very beginning, at some point it is normal to start discussing what will happen next. How to shorten the distance, what needs to be done in order to move in together. If there is no development, this may be a sign that the partner does not consider your relationship serious. As well as if there is a plan, but none of you takes the necessary steps, and you constantly postpone its implementation.
7. You constantly wonder how it would be with someone else.
“It’s completely normal to accidentally get carried away with someone, but if you are in an “active search” while being in a relationship, you should honestly answer yourself the question of what is happening between you and your partner, are you happy with your union, Moali insists.
The reasons why this can happen are listed above: you are in no hurry to move in, or the partner has stopped paying attention to you, or he is deaf to your requests and doubts.
It may seem that it’s all about physical distance and if a partner was nearby, you wouldn’t look around, but, alas, the truth is usually different. Most likely, the relationship or its format has become obsolete, and it’s time to move on – towards each other or in different directions.
