Contents
- 1. Don’t pretend you’re not scared when you really are.
- 2. Do not try to convince the child if he is tormented by irrational fear
- 3. Never scold a child for his fears.
- 4. Do not distance yourself from the child
- 5. Do not rush to comfort if you are sure that no harm has been done.
- 6. Do not avoid places, people and things that cause fear in the child.
- 7. Don’t neglect your fears
Almost all children, according to research, experience some kind of irrational fear. And parents are not able to completely protect the child from everything that can scare him. The task is not to aggravate this fear involuntarily, but to show that it can be dealt with. How to do this, explains child psychologist Marie Hartwell-Walker.
I often recall the story of how a three-year-old son received a wonderful battery-powered robot as a gift from his beloved uncle. Height of 60 centimeters, sparkling with red eyes-bulbs, he famously drove around the room with a beep. Uncle was sure that the gift would cause delight. But the boy got scared, screamed and rushed out of the room.
Uncle behaved wisely. Turning off the robot and putting it aside, he went after the child. He put him on his knees, hugged him and began to talk to him affectionately. He promised that he would help to make friends with the robot. Feeling more confident, the son agreed to look at the gift again, then decided to touch it. In the end, he wrapped him in a blanket and began to cradle him like a baby, turning the object of fear into an object of care. I breathed a sigh of relief. The son took a small step forward in the ability to cope with fear.
Parents often ask me how to help a child get rid of fears. And one or another irrational fear is experienced by 90 percent of children aged 2 to 14 years. Most often there is a fear of the dark, some animals, imaginary monsters, ghosts. For the most part, these fears weaken or disappear completely over the years. But it happens that they persist and interfere with the normal development of the child.
Children’s fear is real, even if it seems irrational to you.
An adult’s response to a child’s fears determines whether the child becomes overly anxious or finds ways to deal with the fear.
1. Don’t pretend you’re not scared when you really are.
The child very accurately feels when adults are deceiving him, and begins to be even more afraid. It is better to honestly admit that you have such a stupid fear, but you will try to cope with it.
Deal with your own phobias. When a parent has a lot of fears, for example, he is afraid of dogs, heights, ghosts, and so on, most likely, the child will be afraid of everything. If you feel that irrational fears prevent you from living, you need to learn how to cope with them, not only for yourself, but also for the sake of the child.
2. Do not try to convince the child if he is tormented by irrational fear
At least that’s not where you should start. When a panic reaction occurs, any logical arguments are powerless. Realize that childhood fear is real, even if it seems irrational to you. Show your child that you are serious about his feelings. Let him know that you are on his side. This alone will reduce anxiety.
3. Never scold a child for his fears.
It will only be harder for him, because shame will be added to fear. It is important that parents see the child’s fears as an opportunity to teach him something, and not as a character flaw.
Emphasize the strengths of his character, remind him of those cases when he managed to overcome his fear. Let him know that you think he is strong enough to deal with difficulties.
4. Do not distance yourself from the child
If you punish him for being afraid of something (for example, by locking one in a room), then you only cause panic.
The child needs to be encouraged, and words alone are not enough. Children understand the language of touch very well. Gently hug him, take his hand. Such physical contact is perceived as protection. Your calm presence tells you that a frightening situation can be dealt with.
5. Do not rush to comfort if you are sure that no harm has been done.
An overreaction on your part will have two unintended and unfortunate consequences. First, seeing that you are excited, the child will decide that there really is a reason for fear. And if you rush to him with hugs and gentle words, he will remember that a surefire way to get attention is to pretend to be scared.
Be ready to support the child, but do not go too far. Children will be able to cope with fear only if they are taught not to run away from it, but to face it.
6. Do not avoid places, people and things that cause fear in the child.
By «protecting» your child in this way, you are signaling to him that his fears are justified and that you do not believe in his ability to handle the situation.
Try to gradually accustom the child to what seems scary to him. Move in small steps. For example, he is afraid of big dogs. To get started, read him books that feature «good» dogs. Then play along with the toy dog. Then introduce him to some small dog friends. Lastly, offer to pet the big dog.
7. Don’t neglect your fears
Teaching a child to adequately respond to something new, unusual, unpredictable, frightening, is extremely important for the development of confidence and independence. The task is to provide him with “tools” with which he can assess risks, adequately approach any new situation and withstand the terrible that cannot be changed.
It is necessary to consciously develop personality stability in a child. Read to him books in which children overcome their fear. Teach relaxation techniques. Praise each time he shows courage. Learn to distinguish between justified fear, which signals the need to be careful, and fear, which closes the path to something new and useful.
Source: psychcentral.com