It can be very difficult, even impossible, to calm a baby down. And sometimes we make it worse in an attempt to remedy the situation.
Psychologists say that a child behaves as impulsively as possible up to 5-7 years. Later, he will gradually learn to cope with his emotions. Until then, he can react very violently to the most unexpected things: the wrong color of the dress, or they were not allowed to lick the dog, for example. When a hysteria happens in public, the first thing you want is to sink into the ground, then to calm you down. And if the nerves are on the edge, then we can easily succumb to emotions and say something wrong, which will make the situation even worse. We’ve put together some phrases to avoid when your toddler is too upset.
1. “Stop it, or I’ll put it in a corner / punish / leave it without cartoons (substitute your own)”
Threatening a child with punishment when he is already feeling bad (no doubt, there is quite sincere grief behind his screams) is not a good idea. It turns out that the mother, the closest person, refuses to support the child and becomes his opponent. Any manifestations of aggression in response to emotional surges of energy work to destroy your relationship, destroy trust between mom and child.
2. “I don’t know what to do with you”
Thus, you show your complete powerlessness. But after all, adults for a baby are omnipotent and omnipotent beings. It turns out that the child next to you cannot feel safe. And this is a basic feeling that is vital for him.
3. “Good boys / girls don’t cry”
It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to get upset too. The child needs to learn how to deal with negative emotions in order to be able to cope with them. So the problem is not that he is upset; the only problem is that the parents do not like the way he expresses his upset. But the baby needs time to mature. It is not necessary to broadcast to him the idea that he is “bad”, just because he still does not know how to cope with his emotions like an adult.
4. “You whine about nonsense”
It is not a good idea to devalue a child’s experience. And whose emotions, then, should be of value to him? Yours? But you and him are different people. It makes no sense to resort to logic here either. You can repeat at least a hundred times that there is nothing to cry about. The kid may understand this in his mind, but he will not cease to be less offensive and bitter.
5. “Don’t roar!”
Or vice versa, “cry, it will become easier.” Firstly, a child is not a robot; tears cannot be turned on or off with some magic button. Secondly, what makes him feel better, the baby will eventually understand himself. Thirdly, if you rigidly suppress emotions, forbidding crying, this can result in bouts of aggression.
6. “Stop it now”
Young children roar, older children may shout hurtful words and stamp their feet, teenagers roll their eyes and slam doors. This makes us unpleasant, and we demand to stop behaving this way – not at all in order to solve the problem, but in order to reassure ourselves. After all, if there is no negative behavior, then there is no problem. Instead, it would be worth teaching the child to express emotions adequately. But here we need a personal example. And we ourselves do not always know how to cope with our feelings.
7. “I’ll leave now and leave you here.”
That is, you really do not love the child and are ready to abandon him as soon as he ceases to look like a little cute baby doll. This threat sounds very scary to a toddler. If you do it, destroy any trust between you. If you do not, the child will perfectly understand that all your words are just words.
How to deal with hysteria is a separate conversation. HERE we have collected tips from leading psychologists on what to do with a roaring baby.